Jake Gyllenhaal & Taylor Swift: Caught in a Dangerous Cycle?

Sasha Brown-Worsham

Jake Gyllenhaal and Taylor Swift were spotted last week dining together after breaking up a few weeks ago. And while many are against their relationship on principle (because it's weird, right?), the bigger concern is that the two are caught in a vicious cycle known as the "on again, off again."

Of course, with Jake and Taylor, all indications are that they are truly over. But getting together with an ex, especially so soon after a break-up, is often just asking for trouble. This is especially true when one ex is still in love/heartbroken, as Taylor supposedly is. For women, this can be the start of a toxic cycle.

How many times have we seen friends break up with a guy only to turn around and get back together five days later, then break up again? Typically, when you break up, there is a reason for it. Changing your mind once or twice is one thing, but going back and forth and back and forth can often keep you from moving on.

It also depends on the reason for the break-up. Nobody knows why Jake and Taylor broke up, but there is a difference between breaking up because one person won't commit and breaking up because there is something fundamentally wrong with the relationship.

The former can be fixed. The latter, not so much. Making a clean break is incredibly hard, especially in a long-term relationship, but it's so important. This isn't scientific by any means, but I remember hearing that it can take as long to get over a relationship as half the time you were in it. That means a two-year relationship will take a year to get over.

For me, the best way to make a clean break was to ostensibly pretend the person was dead until their name no longer made me sad or filled me with longing. It may seem crazy or even ridiculous to avoid a person who was likely the most important person in your life until recently, but it makes sense.

Memo to Taylor: If you loved Jake and you are in pain, seeing the person who caused you such pain is a bad plan. I would say the same thing to any of my girlfriends. Most of the time, a break-up is a break-up for a reason.

Break up once, fine. Go ahead and attempt to get back together if you think it's healthy. But if you break up twice, then try to move on. There is no reason to keep trying at something that is likely too broken to fix.

Do you think a broken up couple can get back together and make it work?



Image via david_shankbone/Flickr

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