Can a Sexless Marriage Survive? What the Stars Say


MadonnaCould you live in a sexless marriage? Madonna and Guy Ritchie are rumored to not have had sex in the last 18 months of their marriage. David Arquette told Howard Stern that he and wife Courteney Cox didn't have sex in the four months leading up to their separation.

What about you? How often do you and your husband have sex? Once a week? Once a month? How about once a year?

If you’re one of the lucky ones, who averages a few times a week, how about this: what if you never had sex? Would you survive in a sexless marriage?

I wouldn't.

Yes, I know,  there is more to a marriage than sex. But sex is one of the things that differentiates your marital relationship from your other intimate relationships. I mean, I'm really close with my parents, my brother and a handful of girlfriends. But I don't have sex with them. (Gross.)

And sure, many couples tend to have less sex the longer they've been married and as they get older. Quantity decreases for a variety of reasons: you start a family, your work is demanding, and your body changes. You fall into bed at night exhausted just wanting to pass out so you can get up in the morning and do it all over again.

Of course, there are things you can do to up the quantity of sex in your marriage, starting with the "30 Days of Sex" challenge. You can also have a pre-planned sex rendezvous. Maybe not the most romantic but the end result is the same; a feeling of being closer to one another. Not to mention getting all the health benefits that come with having sex.

But what if both people don't care about sex? Then is it a match made in heaven? Assuming both people are okay with the lack of sex in their marriage, then that's their ideal level. I guess it is possible to be in a loving, caring relationship without sex. It's just that I thought that was called friendship.

A sexless marriage wouldn't work for me.

Would it work for you?


Image via david_shankbone/Flickr

marriage, sex, sexuality


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Beach... BeachMom81

Yes, it works, if you're determined to make it work.

Imagine being unable to have sex (ever) due to medical reasons. What do you do? Dump him? Getting dumped? Yeah, that's a real boost for a person's self esteem.

Pishyah Pishyah

NOPE!  I mean, we survived not having sex for the majority of the last trimester of my pregnancy with the youngest and we survived without much physical contact for about 9 months after the youngest was born (if I remember correctly without doing math and thinking too hard about it).  We also survived him being in basic training and then in tech school for a year (during which time I was states away so there was no contact then, either).  So, we survived, but if it was a constant then we would not survive.   I need sex.  I need that physical contact and emotional outlet. 

hotic... hoticedcoffee

Well, I wouldn't leave my husband if, like the first comment said, he became 'unable' for some medical reason.  But if we just stopped having sex because we didn't want each other?  Can't imagine ever being happy that way.  I need four things in life to be emotionally in a good place - good sex, good food, good friends, good laughs - all of it often!

nonmember avatar bl

Many men cannot perform due to prostate cancer surgery and the "help" options don't work (aka: viagra, cialis and further surgery), so I live in a sexless marriage and have done so for over 6 years. I am young and have been married for 20 years. Do I like it? NO. But it is what it is and when you love someone, you don't just leave them when they can't give you what you need. It's now up to me to provide that and while it is not optimal and I am young, it is the cards I was dealt with, so don't say you'd leave your marriage if this happened to you, it's not quite that simple and you never know what life will bring your way.

nonmember avatar EB

Being intimate is probably the number one reason. We both work so hard, and our jobs have been pretty frustrating, so having that super-close time together makes us remember not to take that stress out on each other.
I've noticed a decrease in my migraines ever since we conciously tried to make it once a week minimum! Sometimes pain would keep us from it, but I realize now that it's even more important when my body hurts.

Knitt... KnittinMama

Barring health reasons. If we just stopped for no reason? No. I can survive a drought, but never having sex again? No. I love having sex. Aside from the obvious physical feel good factor. Theres a whole aspect of love involved. The emotional connection from sex cant be replaced with a toy. That afterglow thing when youre all tangled up in arms and legs and sheets and never want to move again. Hearing my husband tell me loves me when hes making my toes curl. I love my husband and dont want to have sex with anyone else, but I need that emotional connection that only sex brings. If there was a health reason then I do love my husband enough to get over it and stay.

nonmember avatar Barbara

A couple interesting takes. It would seem to me that this is an important issue that most couples pre-marriage would never consider before the wedding.

Norma Doss


Knitt... KnittinMama

No it isnt something most consider pre marriage. If I was unable to ever have sex again for a health reason, I have no doubt my husband would get sex elsewhere. I absolutely hate the idea but sex can be just sex. It wouldnt be fair to him to say I cant so you cant. It doesnt mean he doesnt love me, it means hes human and I accept that. Whether or not he would be as accepting, I dont know. If he was unable and told me I could have sex elsewhere? It would take a huge deprivation. Even then the guilt would kill me. Penetration isnt the only sexual thing that can bring the emotional intimacy. Maybe I could do it. Maybe not. I hope we dont have to test that theory either way.

aopen... aopenshaw5

god created us as pleasure creatures. The bible says that husband and wife are to enjoy eachother, and only eachother. Actually, the bible is quite explicit about this! If you and ur husband are not enoying eachother however you are able to, Satan will make sure an opportunity arises for ur heart to wander. So in other words, enjoy eachother sexually, it's healthy <3

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