My husband has been "sick" this week. He's got a sore throat and stuffy nose and is sneezing and coughing. He has no fever, no aches, and has been cleared of strep throat and any infection. In other words, he has a cold. But, not just any cold. It's a man cold. Are you familiar with this unfortunate ailment? In case you aren't, here are the sure-fire signs:
1. He truly thinks he is dying.
2. He audibly moans, whimpers, whines, and shoots over dramatic glances in your direction.
3. He can't muster up the strength to get a drink, but can energetically bark orders at you.
4. He bundles himself up in four blankets and then asks if his forehead feels hot.
5. There is a permanent indentation of his body on the bed. And the couch.
6. He asks you to hand him the remote even though it is only a couple of inches outside of his reach.
7. You arrive home from a drugstore run for his cough drops to discover your children running around the house like wild animals and him sleeping soundly with a pillow over his head.
8. When he does not receive adequate sympathy for you, he'll turn to updating his Facebook page to let the masses know how ill he is.
9. You catch him on the phone with his mother. For the seventh time that day.
10. You're never sure when it will end, but you can guarantee that it will last a minimum of four days.
If the man in your life suffers from one or more of the above symptoms, I highly suggest you buy a bottle of wine and some ear plugs for yourself. Better yet, just check into a hotel for the week. It's gonna be a long one.
Good luck. To both of you.