Crocodile Tears: The New Get Out of Sex Free Card

Jeanne Sager
11

cryingOh headaches, how well you have served us. When he came to bed after not brushing his teeth and actually expected us to enjoy making out. When he acted like an insensitive butthead after our favorite pair of jeans wouldn't button ... and then expected us to get nekkid in front of him. You've been such a good friend to us that it's time to give you a break, oh favored get-out-of-sex-free card.

A new study has determined that when a guy finds a woman crying, he automatically reads it as a "no sex" signal, and he suffers a testosterone dip. She doesn't have to say a word! Quick, hide your laptop from your guy so he doesn't see this. We're going to let you in on a little secret.

Technically the study said they had men "smell" the tears (I'm not even going to ask how they accomplished this), so you'd assume guys could tell the difference. But how many men do you know who want to get close to you when you're crying? And when they do, it's pretty standard for most chicks I know (myself included) to pull the "random hand fling to express emotion" that sends them diving toward the floor lest they accidentally get hit with it.

They've smelled one set of tears on you, from here on out we're willing to bet most men should have a Pavlovian response to your tears. Only instead of salivating at the promise of food like Pavlov's dogs, their penis will be going limp at the thought of no sex.

So here's the plan. Throw a bottle of saline solution (if you wear contacts you probably have five of these scattered throughout the house to combat the dry winter air anyway) in your bedside table, and voila: instant tears for those nights when you'd rather cuddle with Stieg Larsson than your studly man. You will never have to say, "I have a headache" and listen to him sigh, loudly, or -- worse -- argue with you that you always seem to have a headache these days.

Hey, he is always saying you need to change up your sex routine. What do you think: could the headache use a night off?

 

Image via -stamina-/Flickr

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