Jacqueline Gold, CEO of UK-based sex toy and lingerie retailer Ann Summers, has been the target of an intentional poisoning.
This is almost as incredible a news story as the one about Ted Williams, the homeless man with the golden voice.
Though this story is not as warm and fuzzy as Williams', it's still one that is near and dear to my heart, and other parts of my body.
The person accused of being behind the poisoning? Gold's nanny, Allison Cox -- the woman she entrusts to care for her young daughter. Cox is being charged with attempting to poison Gold on three separate occasions: with salt, then sugar, and last by putting windshield wiper fluid in her soup.
No motive has been made public, so we'll just have to speculate on the why. And I for one am extremely happy, even euphoric, over the fact that the nanny didn't succeed in permanently harming the Sex Toy Queen.
Read on for reasons why you should be happy, too:
- Without Gold, the company might cease to exist, leaving the British with only a stiff upper lip. The country is uptight enough as it is.
- Gold's company motto? “A business doing pleasure.” You've got to love a company, and its CEO, where their first and foremost concern is with my achieving orgasm.
- Anyone's whose autobiography is titled Good Vibrations not only deserves to live a long and fruitful life, but to also be worshipped.
- Gold is credited with creating the Ann Summers' at-home pleasure parties, which bring lingerie and sex toys in to women's homes in the UK and much of Europe. Think how many women, and their partners, have gotten pleasure from this.
What motivation would someone have to poison the Sex Toy Queen?
Image via Amazon