'My Big Friggin' Wedding' Recap: A Whine & Cheese Finale

Lauren Flynn Kelly

There are only two couples left on My Big Friggin' Wedding. Brides Alyssa and Tammie give their best Bridezillas performances, from needless crying to incessant whining to grand declarations of overall dissatisfaction with everyone and everything.

Things are not off to a good start for Alyssa (right). Tony the Douchebag Wedding Planner (heretofore known as TDWP) is threatening to quit, which causes a total bridal meltdown. "Our wedding is ruined!" she sobs, collapsing on the kitchen floor and even gagging over the toilet for added effect.

TDWP doesn't actually walk but strongly urges Alyssa to lay off the booze the night before the wedding. But their wedding is in Atlantic City, the Vegas of Jersey, so naturally Alyssa and Tyler go clubbing and are hungover the next day. In fact, Tyler starts the big day with shots (oh, to be 22 ...).

While TDWP does not berate Alyssa for drinking, they do get into an argument over a place card debacle at the reception, and he is so over it that he calls her a "little bitch" (well, to the cameras) and begins to unplug the lights. A final confrontation breaks out, and Alyssa storms off with threats to sue. At the end of the day, however, Alyssa and Tyler are happy to have finally taken the plunge.

Tammie is a hairdresser from Long Island, so I expected her bridal hair to fall somewhere between classy and trashy, but the monstrosity overshadowing her veil and blingin' headpiece can only be described as Priscilla Presley meets Snooki. This does not warrant the number of times she proclaims herself hot, gorgeous, classy, etc. throughout the episode.

The bride's first meltdown (that we know of) occurs when her veil gets caught in her zipper, and she instantly starts crying. Then, she flips out when she learns her planner is late to the church with the wedding programs, and screams to her friends and family, "I hate everyone right now!"

Cut to the ceremony, where possibly the most embarrassing wedding snafu occurs. Just after she talks about that long-awaited moment when those church doors open and throngs of adoring wedding guests ooh and ahh at the bride, she enters the church on her father's arm and the music ... just ... stops. Instead of waiting for the opening bars of "Here Comes the Bride," they proceed down the aisle to dead silence. Oops. The organist eventually gets back on track, but at that point, the ceremony is ruined for Tams.

Things don't get any better at the reception, where she whines when the DJ plays the wrong song to her slideshow. And he threatens to pull the plug on the music when she yells at him. "Be nice!" he snaps, but ultimately caves and stays to finish out the set.

Naturally, the night (and the episode) ends with Tammie bitching, this time about having to share the limo with Danny's kids. Get used to it, Tammie. What's his is yours now. Except that snow blower.


Image via VH1

Read More