Man Hunting: Do Guys Like to Be Hunted?

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winking womanDear Dating Mom:

I’ve been using this “wink” feature on this online dating site. Problem is I never hear back from the men I send them to. What am I doing wrong?

Signed, 

I’m just asking for a reply not a ring.

Dear I’m just asking for a reply:

I’ve used that winking feature before and sadly, I got the same response, which is to say no response.

I’m not sure what it is about the winking from a woman that has men so turned off. My first thought is that they want to be the pursuer, and yet if I had a nickel for every time that I have been “favorited” or winked at and then basically ignored, I could just have a guy built for me.

To me, this online winking stuff with regards to men is the schoolyard equivalent of one of them running up to me, pulling my hair to get my attention, and then taking off. What am I supposed to do with that? Run after the dude yelling, “Call me!” and then make a paper airplane with my phone number on it and zoom it on over to him while he’s finishing up a wicked game of dodge ball?

It’s ridiculous. In real life, I think it’s actually more natural for a woman to wink than a man or, at least in my opinion, sexier. I have never looked at a guy who winked at me and not thought, “Hey there, cheeseball. Sorry to inform you but by the time your eyelid was halfway to its destination, you lost me.” Or maybe it’s not that he is winking per se but that the men that I’ve seen use the wink as a pick-up are usually sporting a nice round belly, I’m guessing a small package, and a coupla nice looking wine stains on their ties.

When a woman winks, I think it’s much more sensual. How do I know? I don’t. It’s just what I tell myself because I’ve done it so many times as more of a reflex than anything else and although nary a man has ever approached me as a result. I’m going to guess it was because he was blind ... ed ... by ... my ... uh ... okay, perhaps they may have perceived it as less of a wink and more of “bug just flew in my eye” kind of fluttering. 

Whatever. (Yes, in case you are curious, I am 12 .)

As far as what to do from here on in, I would suggest keep going. All you need is one guy (you do only need one, right?), so what do you have to lose? It’s not like you can see them on the other side of the screen, rolling their eyes or yelling, “Booyah!” and then hitting the delete button. I look at it like I’m buying a lottery ticket -- only in this case, I’m not out any cash, just a small piece of my pride and, well, if the prize is that I have someone to take out the garbage for me and fix crap around my house, it’s worth it.

Are you a single mom with a question about dating/sex/love? Or do you just want to try to trip Jessica up? Leave her a question in comments or you can write to her directly at bernzee@mac.com.


Photo via Istock photo

romance tip, love, sex, turn-offs, dating, dating mom

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nonmember avatar Christine

I "winked" at all guys within a 25 mile radius of me and only one guy replied..... my now husband of 5 years! One guy IS all it takes!!

OSNSMom OSNSMom

I am a terrible winker. Jessica know this. But seriously, Jessica's right. You just need one guy. Just one to "wink back" so to speak.

Ken Burke

I used those sites.  The wink thing is a cop-out IMO.  Poke, wink, favorite.  It seems to me the user is cruising photos...sees a photo that is attractive but not compelling enough to pursue past the thumbnail and/or jot a quick 'hey, like your eyes', or 'I dig blues too'.  They likely spend a few minutes click-through on the top tier men/women and only wink at 'passable-maybe-not a complete loser' photos.  As such, I ignored the winks.  It's not the user who is out the pride, it's the responder who is devalued from the beginning. 

Ken Burke

...and yeah, from one man's perspective, I think the woman 'reaching out and touching me digitally' is a turn-on.  Women can be the initiators without being the aggressors.  It's all in the tone.  [I don't think anyone responds to aggressors anyway].  And another yeah, you can smell desperation a mile away.  Wierd how even the choice of words on a comment can make the difference between 'you're interesting to me' and 'anyone is interesting to me'.

Wan Do

This is such a stupid response. The obvious answer is: she's either FAT OF FUGLY. Girls HATE hearing the truth

nonmember avatar casey

How about actually messaging the guys? winking is easy, absentminded. A message requires some thought, and guys are way more likely to respond

nonmember avatar Lila

I agree with a couple of the other commenters so far, winking isn't enough. Our web site ran a survey some time ago to get people's reactions and opinions on winks and the general consensus was that people weren't interested in them. Some thought the winks were lazy and showed very little interest past the physical (as pointed out by another commenter here), and when you've taken the time to write a well thought-out profile you hope for a little more from potential suitors. Others thought the wink passed the responsibility of contact off to the person being winked at, which was also unappreciated. The feeling I got from the many responses to our survey was basically, "If you like me, talk to me." So if this dater wants to yield any results from her online dating endeavors, she will have to put in a little more effort. The guys will appreciate it.

nonmember avatar ohpoof

oh poof!
most ridiculous thing i ever heard!
I have been divorced(dated on and off/yes) for 11 yrs and if anyone knows I DO! Ive ALWAYS gotten w males better than female and i am on several sites, mainly for friendship , and i make them instantly. I get anywhere from 20 to 200 up messages a day & countless winks. Guess what dont usually get my attention?


When men wink,,,its cause they are CHEAP!!!WINKS are FREE, Messages cost you a membership at "pay" sites.!!

Many a guy has
joined the site to talk to me. Some have put forth an effort hinting & begging for me to contact them at the x.x.x yodel place dot com. CHEAP.ASS!!
So most likely the reason you arent getting contacted is : he feels the SAME WAY! just remember: If he WINKS at you,,,he's a CHEAPASS and he aint gonna change!

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