winking womanDear Dating Mom:

I’ve been using this “wink” feature on this online dating site. Problem is I never hear back from the men I send them to. What am I doing wrong?

Signed, 

I’m just asking for a reply not a ring.

Dear I’m just asking for a reply:

I’ve used that winking feature before and sadly, I got the same response, which is to say no response.

I’m not sure what it is about the winking from a woman that has men so turned off. My first thought is that they want to be the pursuer, and yet if I had a nickel for every time that I have been “favorited” or winked at and then basically ignored, I could just have a guy built for me.

To me, this online winking stuff with regards to men is the schoolyard equivalent of one of them running up to me, pulling my hair to get my attention, and then taking off. What am I supposed to do with that? Run after the dude yelling, “Call me!” and then make a paper airplane with my phone number on it and zoom it on over to him while he’s finishing up a wicked game of dodge ball?

It’s ridiculous. In real life, I think it’s actually more natural for a woman to wink than a man or, at least in my opinion, sexier. I have never looked at a guy who winked at me and not thought, “Hey there, cheeseball. Sorry to inform you but by the time your eyelid was halfway to its destination, you lost me.” Or maybe it’s not that he is winking per se but that the men that I’ve seen use the wink as a pick-up are usually sporting a nice round belly, I’m guessing a small package, and a coupla nice looking wine stains on their ties.

When a woman winks, I think it’s much more sensual. How do I know? I don’t. It’s just what I tell myself because I’ve done it so many times as more of a reflex than anything else and although nary a man has ever approached me as a result. I’m going to guess it was because he was blind ... ed ... by ... my ... uh ... okay, perhaps they may have perceived it as less of a wink and more of “bug just flew in my eye” kind of fluttering. 

Whatever. (Yes, in case you are curious, I am 12 .)

As far as what to do from here on in, I would suggest keep going. All you need is one guy (you do only need one, right?), so what do you have to lose? It’s not like you can see them on the other side of the screen, rolling their eyes or yelling, “Booyah!” and then hitting the delete button. I look at it like I’m buying a lottery ticket -- only in this case, I’m not out any cash, just a small piece of my pride and, well, if the prize is that I have someone to take out the garbage for me and fix crap around my house, it’s worth it.

Are you a single mom with a question about dating/sex/love? Or do you just want to try to trip Jessica up? Leave her a question in comments or you can write to her directly at bernzee@mac.com.


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