Meatball-makin' entrepreneurs and new parents Megin and Johnny are set to wed this week, and the mother of the bride is still giving her daughter a hard time about her choice in husbands. But that's not the only thing she has an opinion about, as she rudely asks if the first gift at Megin's surprise shower came from a garage sale and offers her own weather forecast of "a hot day in hell" for her daughter's nuptials.
Much to the MOB's chagrin, the big day arrives. What Johnny and Megin's "ultimate Jersey wedding," as they proudly refer to it, lacks in theme proudly makes up for in entertainment value: There are the black and gold Rocky colors, female clowns, Megin's Michael Jackson-loving son doing the moonwalk down the aisle, fist-pumping house music, a blinged-out roasted pig wearing a fedora and an octogenarian hired by Megin's mom to croon Frank Sinatra songs.
But when Megin's had enough of Frankie S. and cuts him off, the elderly singer huffs to the bride, " 'Lady Is a Tramp' is just a song," assuming that that is what offended her! The singer then gripes to the MOB, and a fight erupts between Megin and her mom one more time. Finally, Johnny entertains the crowd with a song about meatballs that goes something like, "I'm making meatballs over here! I'm making meatballs over here!" The starry-eyed newlyweds share a last dance and marvel over their successful bash, and another Big Friggin' couple rides off into the sunset.
Tammie may not be speaking to Danny after his shady bachelor party, but she's still going to have her own final celebration of independence. After loading up on cotton candy vodka, Tammie and her girls head to Manhattan with the goal of "keeping things classy," but Tammie ends up stumbling around in the street "looking homeless," complaining about her wide feet and drunk-dialing an unsympathetic Danny from a payphone.
Drunk and still pissed off about Danny's stripper/escort debacle, she later confides in a girlfriend that she's 98 percent certain she and Danny will eventually divorce. Her friend does not understand this logic, and neither do I, but Tammie claims she can't walk away now. There's only one thing left to do after that conversation: Try to "make a baby" with Danny! Not surprisingly, he rejects her.
Meanwhile, Alyssa has an awkward meeting with Tony the Douchebag Wedding Planner, who inspires her to fire her maid of honor and complains about how unprepared this bride is. He's not kidding: Their wedding is only a week away and they don't have a marriage license. It's also revealed that Alyssa has wracked up some serious credit card debt and they are way over budget, which Tyler is not happy about.
Next week, Tony calls it quits on Alyssa and Tyler! Are you watching?
Image via VH1