The Fastest Online Relationship in the World

Jessica Bern
8

Dear Dating Mom:

I met this guy on an Internet site two weeks ago. He seems like someone that I could possibly spend the rest of my life with, but I have some doubts.

After 2 days, he told me that he loved me, and on day 4, he told me he wanted to marry me.

His mother seems to be a wonderful person, very well respected. He wants me to meet her as his fiance, but first he has to get his life in order.

How much time is enough and do I have anything to worry about as far as our relationship going to the next level?

Not Into Wasting Any Time.

Dear Not Into Wasting Any Time:

The man has never met you, but after four days of talking to you, has told you he loves you and wants to marry you?

It’s been two weeks since you first had contact with him and he has subsequently informed you that he wants to introduce you to his mother as his fiancé but has requested that you put your life on hold until he can get his life together enough to make that happen?

Excuse me for a second, my head just exploded.

Okay, I’m back.

Let me start by saying that you aren't a sweater at Banana Republic that he can just put aside until he can save up enough of his allowance to make you his own. 

Chances are this guy won’t be nearly as quick at getting his shit together as he is pronouncing you both man and wife or to stretch the sweater analogy to within an inch of its life. You deserve to be with someone who will appreciate you, show you off at parties, and brag about how gorgeous yet how still really cheap you are.

Sorry, correction, brag about what a barg- …okay, that isn’t working either. You know what, forget the sweater analogy. The short of it all is, there isn’t any amount of time you should wait for a guy you have never met to get his affairs in order, number one of which should be to resolve what I’m guessing is an issue or two with good old mom.

Which brings me to ask you, how is it you know she is wonderful and well respected? Did he tell you that? “He,” if you recall, being the guy you have never met who decided he wanted to marry you after four days.

My point being, you need to take all that he is saying with a grain, no, make it a box, actually, go with a palette of salt.

Finally, you ask me if you have anything to worry about. And my answer to that is an unequivocal “sure do!” 

On the way to your “I dos,” you’re skipping all the important phases that everyone in a healthy relationship must pass through at least before they file for divorce. You went from talking on the phone to being in love to marrying all in less than two weeks. Whatever happened to the “I don’t understand, because it was so great in the beginning” phase? And the all encompassing “I can’t believe I slept with him” phase and the ever so popular “Why can’t he just put the fucking caps back on the pens like normal people do” phase? 

These are imperative if any relationship is going to last at least long enough to collect any reasonable amount of alimony. You see what I’m getting at?

I don’t want to be a negative Nelly here, but I’ve been around the block too many times and my gut tells me “marrier" beware. That is all.

Are you a single mom with a question about dating/sex/love? Or do you just want to try to trip Jessica up? Leave her a question in comments or you can write to her directly at bernzee@mac.com.


Read More