In Other News About Kardashian Lady Parts ...

Brittny Drye

mayonnaiseIs it just me, or does it seem like the Kardashian clan tends to do a lot of broadcasting about their nether regions?

Whether it's giving each other botched at-home bikini waxes in front of the camera or teaming up with Kotex, it's like whatever they do down there makes headlines. No shame, eh, ladies?

I'm sure we'll be hearing all about Kim Kardashian's vajayjay over the next nine months if those pregnancy rumors turn out to be true. I'm already mentally preparing myself to write intricate details about a girl that I've never met.

But even if they have enough money for all the vajazzling in the world, they recently revealed that they prefer to slather regular ol' sauce from the grocery store on a certain sensitive area. 

Mayonnaise. On their vaginas.

When I first heard of their condiment-turned-body-cream of choice, it seriously grossed me out. Mayonnaise down there just sounded like a yeast infection waiting to happen. But then I thought, if these millionaires who are obsessed with beauty do it, surely there’s gotta be something to this cheap and strange idea.

“It makes it shine like the Chrysler Building!” Kourtney recently boasted on Conan O'Brien's show while promoting the sisters' book Kardashian Konfidential.

Now, I’m not exactly sure what a “shiny vagina” entails. Does it temporarily make your skin glisten (if that’s the case, why not just use sexual oils made for those areas?) or is it a full-on treatment that gives it a semi-permanent glow? Is it a turn-on for men? Are they drawn to it like moths to a flame? So many questions, so few answers.

And with that, curiosity quickly took over my repulsion, and I was opening my fridge, reaching for the Hellmann’s.

That’s right, I did it. I spread mayonnaise on my nether regions.

Now, even though the Kardashians revealed their secret for shiny hoo-has, they didn’t give any directions, so I assumed it was similar to a facial cream, which you usually leave on for 5-10 minutes. So there I stood my bathroom, leg hoisted on the sink with mayo slathered between my legs, feeling more and more ridiculous by the minute. After minute 8 ticked away, I jumped in the shower and washed off.

I’m not sure what I was expecting, but there definitely wasn’t any glowing action going on down below. The mayo did, however, make it exceptionally smooth, which I’m assuming is a result of the olive oil that the condiment is made from.

But would I try it again? Not unless my man prefers mayonnaise over whipped cream.

Would you ever try putting mayonnaise down there? Are you sick of hearing about the Kardashians' private parts?


Image via Little Blue Hen/Flickr

Read More