Are We Getting Off on TSA Pat Downs?

Jeanne Sager

airplaneDid you hear the one about the guy with penile piercings who ejaculated on a TSA agent during a pat down on his metal-lined man junk? It's a big fat fake (thank goodness). But oh the possibilities it poses.

If the TSA workers are getting off on patting us down, we might as well work the personal contact for our own uses, right?

After all, Percy Cummings didn't really get arrested for ejaculating on the TSA agent. We could easily get away with one of these options (ahem, not that we're actually suggesting them):

Keep It Up Top

Go bra free and hope their fingers get close to the nipple area. It's considered one of the most common turn-on spots for ladies who can orgasm without touching of the lower regions; it's not your fault if you've got sensitive nips.

Pick Your Poison

There are hotties in any job, so scout your line before you get ready to board. All the better if they see you casing the joint and decide you're hiding something. They might strip search you.

Don't Mention Your Piercings

The fictional Mr. Cummings supposedly set off the scanners with the metal. It would stand to reason that would happen in real life where women report the underwire in their bras has been enough to get them pulled out for a feel up. And the heightened sensitivity genital piercings bring to the private areas can make you orgasm-happy. If they're searching around in there because you haven't fessed up, you're sure to hit gold.

Send Your Teenaged Son In for His Fix

Teen boys are primed to go off when they get touched by someone, anyone. This is cheaper than a prostitute -- and less likely to get you thrown in jail. Besides, someone has to free up the bathroom for the rest of the family!

Oh, who are we kidding? This could be the most uncomfortable moment of your life. But imagining someone else is enjoying it has the ring of holiday spirit to it. Think of someone besides yourself this holiday ... it will take your mind off the stranger putting his hands on your boobs!


Image via xlibber/Flickr

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