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As the couples of My Big Friggin' Wedding get closer to matrimonial "bliss," there's some valuable knowledge to be gleaned here. And not just the obvious stuff, like wear underwear to your best friend's bridal shower. I'm talking actual, hard, maybe-you-should-think-about-this-before-you-get-married lessons. In no particular order of importance, consider the following ...
Lesson #1: Sex won't get you out of signing that prenup. Tammie still won't sign Danny's proposed prenup, so she tries to seduce him to persuade him to drop it. He doesn't go for this tactic, although her dog does get some action from a stuffed animal. Perhaps there's another lesson to be learned here ...
Lesson #2: On second thought, don't schedule that hair trial the same day as your bridal shower. In theory, it's a great idea, but when the makeup artist goes nuckin' futs on your cheeks and your appointment runs over, you might be late for your shower, which Amanda was, making Matt late for his date with a bottle of Patrón at the bar.
Lesson #3: Do have your wedding planner's phone number in your phone, preferably on speed dial. I don't care if it's Tony the Douchebag Wedding Planner, Alyssa, this guy is running the show on your dime. You do not want to ignore his calls.
Lesson #4: Spritz a little perfume "down there" before your C-section. This week, Johnny and Megin finally welcome "Baby Meatballs," and he is a really cute bundle of joy. It's a happy moment for everyone, although my favorite moment is when Megin sprays some perfume between her legs before dashing out the door, noting, "It's gotta smell good down there."
Lesson #5: Have a back-up plan in case your wife-to-be feels inspired to learn to cook. Sandra is making an effort to cook without being ambushed by Joey's mother, and while impressed by the gesture, Joey calls for pizza when things don't appear to be going well. Also, his brother comes over and is wearing the best T-shirt ever. It says "Will Flex For Food."
Lesson #6: In case of race riots, seat the party most likely to bust up the party by the door. No one's wedding is in danger of a worse culture clash than that of Haitian Danny and Italian-American Tammie, and Danny actually makes some good points about keeping the peace when he organizes a seating chart out of pushpins.
Lesson #7: Expect there to be strippers at the bachelor party. Don't kid yourself; there will be strippers there and they will be shady, no matter how classy the joint, as demonstrated by Matt's trip to the champagne room, where he was up to his eyeballs in T&A.
Lesson #8: Take a break, celebrate, and communicate. The evening may end with a wedding-related tiff, but at least Alyssa and Tyler take time out of wedding planning and arguing about wedding planning to go out to dinner, exchange anniversary gifts, and remember why they're getting married in the first place.
Lesson #9: Don't take on too much at once. Megin is stressed. In one year, she got engaged, got pregnant, launched a business with her fiancé, had a baby, planned a wedding, and in this episode, moves the family to a new apartment. This is too much! Also, another valuable lesson via Johnny is: Don't throw a picture of Jesus in the trash can or you'll go to hell. This has inspired me to Google the proper disposal of a prayer card once I finish this recap.
Lesson #10: Consider a "crunch time" walk-thru of the venue. And, like Sandra, wear a skirt or dress that has a similar cut to your wedding gown so you can do a little practice strut down that staircase that sold you on the venue. Sounds silly, but it's kinda brilliant.
Next week, Alyssa's gals actually audition the strippers for her bachelorette party. Now that's friggin' awesome.