'My Big Friggin' Wedding' Recap: Let's Marinate in Our Miserable Sauce

Lauren Flynn Kelly
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Episode 4 of My Big Friggin' Wedding got a little too friggin' real this week. We bickered over menu items and ice sculptures, we went to couples counseling, we went to the gym, and of course, we fist-pumped like there's no tomorrow.

But seriously, this episode was not that funny. The couples went over tedious details like linen rentals and hors d'oeuvres selections, reminding us of the parts of wedding planning we'd rather forget.

At this point, I'd say the couple least likely to make it down the aisle is Matt and Amanda. Since the premiere, he's passive-aggressively complained about her expensive tastes but never actually threatened to not pay for something. After a disagreement over her desire for additional linens with "like, designs" on them rather than going with the "like, cotton" ones provided by the venue, Matt really shows her by going to the club and letting her "marinate in her miserable sauce for a while" while he fist-pumps Ron Ron-style until 3 a.m. ... when his drunk ass is locked out.

After Alyssa left her bridal shower in tears last week, she has a meltdown at her latest dress fitting. (I'm sensing a pattern here.) She brings a posse to the fitting and when there's more criticism than love for her poufy (I believe someone uses the phrase "cream puff") gown, she bursts into tears and declares that everyone's being mean to her. Okay, yes, the bride should get what she wants, but she should also be willing to take a little criticism from her wedding planner. Then again, his main gripe is that she's not showing enough boob, so I guess he's kind of a douchebag.

As for Tammie and her pregnancy scare of the month, she's "still not feeling good," so she purchases five pregnancy tests and guess what? She's not pregnant. Wha-wha. Danny and his pre-nup are absent from this episode, but not his kids! When they demand that Tammie tap into her Italian heritage and make some meatballs, she sensitively describes them as "three Haitian orphans looking at me staring, like they just got affected by the earthquake or something," promptly calls a Haitian friend for a meatball recipe, and tells the orphans she prefers her balls a little bigger ... and browner ... Get it, kids? She's talking about Daddy's balls!

Speaking of meatballs, Megin and Johnny, the least likely candidates of this bunch for couples therapy, attend a session that is rather heartfelt. Megin confesses to feeling enough anxiety for the two of them and breaks Johnny's heart by crying. Oh, but don't worry -- Johnny cooks up a solution, and yes, it involves meatballs. After designing a line of Johnny Meatballs apparel, which includes bikinis and onesies, he declares, "My meatballs will save the relationship," and you know what? They kinda do! Megin is totally impressed by his initiative, and the stress melts away ... at least for now.

And oh yeah, Joey and Sandra argue about going into business together, then work out their frustrations at the gym. Eh.

So, what's the most stressful part of wedding planning?


Image via VH1

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