15 (Good) Reasons to Break Up With Him ... Fast

Jennifer Cullen

Couple breaking upLots of women hold on to their boyfriends longer than they should. Have you ever waited too long to break-up with a boyfriend?

Sometimes it’s for a good reason like it’s the holiday season and you don’t want to go to all of those parties alone.

Or else it’s close to Valentine’s Day and darn it, you’ve put the time in and you want to reap the rewards in the way of a gift or at least a dozen roses.

But how do you know, I mean really know, when it’s time to get rid of your boyfriend?

Here are 15 unmissable signs that mean you should be saying “buh bye” to your boyfriend:

1. You fantasize about that hot guy you see in the gym, not only when you’re having sex with your boyfriend but also every other available minute of the day.

2. Your boyfriend shows his desperation in trying to make the relationship more than it is, like signing a piece of paper “Mr. and Mrs. Will.i.am Desperado”.

3. He refers to your parents as Mom and Dad and he hasn’t even met them yet.

4. You would rather be intimate with your vibrator and a good book of erotica.

5. He drunk dials you, repeatedly, and leaves mournful, weepy messages about how much he loves you.

6. You would rather stay home, alone, than go out for a four star dinner with him.

7. He pisses you off all of the time no matter what he does, even when he’s just being nice.

8. You realize that he is always going to make that sucking noise with his tongue while reading the newspaper. And you just can’t stand it for another minute.

9. His jokes aren’t funny. And you realize they never were. You just laughed at them earlier in the relationship so you could get in his pants. Gross.

10. You make a list of pros and cons of your relationship and the cons have it by a mile. Literally.

11. You spend the weekend alone, and besides really enjoying it, you remember the things you used to like to do before you started dating him like yoga or baking a cake or flirting with the guy in the butcher shop.

12. The phone rings, your caller ID says it’s him and you don’t pick up. Later you lie and say you left your phone at home or that the ringer was off or that for some reason it was wedged deep in the back of your sock drawer.

13. The way he dresses, eats, talks, hums or just plain sits in silence bugs the crap out of you. And some of those were the qualities that you once thought were attractive.

14. You wear long johns to bed in the middle of the summer and stop being so meticulous about your personal hygiene in the hopes that you gross him out.

15. You fake orgasm a few minutes into your sex session just to get him to hurry up and finish. You've gotten so good at it, that you've even started fooling yourself.

Have you ever experienced any of these eminent break-up warnings signs?

Image via Helga Weber/Flickr

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