Marriage Takes a Beating & Keeps Ticking

18

If marriage is obsolete, why do I know so many happily married couples?

Apparently I'm almost in the minority. A recent poll reveals that 4 out of 10 people think marriage is obsolete and that the new norm is living together out of wedlock and even raising a family.

According to AOL:

"Americans are also more likely to believe people can come together to form a family without being married," said Andrew Cherlin, a professor of sociology and public policy at Johns Hopkins University. "Marriage is still very important in this country, but it doesn't dominate family life like it used to," Cherlin told The Associated Press. "Now there are several ways to have a successful family life, and more people accept them."

It makes sense. Marriage has taken quite a beating in the last few decades between the insane divorce rate and the struggle to make sure that all people have the same rights.

For anyone thinking that gay marriage will ruin straight marriage, we need to look no further than this poll to see that straight people are doing a fine job in messing marriage up all on their own. Among the four who hate marriage, you might see these people:

  • Children of divorce: This isn't always true, but some kids who watched their parents go through a bad divorce aren't interested in doing the same thing.
  • People who are happy living together: There is a whole movement of people who are asking why they should bother. They live together and have all the trappings of marriage (commitment, love, children), so why bother?
  • Serial monogamists: Some people doubt that they will ever want to be with one person forever, so they move from one relationship into the next and so on.
  • Players: These people just want to party and have fun and they know marriage ruins the good time. This is far superior to the people who want to have their cake and eat it, too (party and be married -- yuck).

Marriage is not for everyone and it shouldn't be. It's a big decision and a big commitment that people take far, far too lightly in this day and age.

But when marriage is good, it lends stability and support. It offers legal recognition of one's union and officially, in the eyes of the courts, makes you a family. For some, that symbol still means something that matters.

It's upsetting that during this time when so many are unable to gain the basic right they want so badly that others are taking it for granted. Marriage isn't the only way to create a family. But it will never be obsolete.

Why do you think marriage is becoming obsolete?

 

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nonmember avatar Allboys

The importance of "legal" marriage in society seems to be waining. The history of marriage is quite complex and anybody who thinks the institution of family and family values is dying simply because more and more people are bucking the ingrained traditions are mislead and will be in for quite a surprise. I think it would do any person good to do a bit of sociology research especially when it comes to the inter workings of the family unit. Just because you are not legally married does not make you any less of a connected and healthy family unit. Though I still strongly believe that any consenting adult person should not be restricted from marriage with any other consenting adult person. I think it's a good thing that the religious holds are starting to be shaken loose. IMHO it's one of the biggest things holding us back from an egalitarian society free of discrimination.

Kittt... Kittty_Katt

it isnt gong to matter to anyone if im married and it certianly isnt any busness of yours stick to your oun and dont make ppl who dont want to marry feel like crap

Hayde... HaydensMom178

I think this is a sad statement-I believe that marriage is a blessing.  It's a sacrement.  It makes the bond between two people stronger.  Our marriage has made our bond as strong as it can possibly be.  I think that people just don't take it seriously anymore-it's too easy for people to get divorced.  I don't believe that people can live together as "husband and wife" without actually being husband and wife.  You're still just living together.  That "piece of paper" is very important-it shows that this couple have promised to love and cherish each other til death.  There are still many happily married couples out there-and the majority of Americans do believe in marriage.  We are a traditional family and this is my belief.

nonmember avatar Lisa

I wish there were more variations of committed relationships. For most of human history, people lived communally, loved communally and raised children communally. The 'dyad' and all it's intensity is a relatively recent phenomenon. By recent, I mean since we began to adopt an agrarian lifestyle.

Nicole Hazen

I think we no longer honor and marriage as being sacred or important.this culture is a very self centered and self serving "give it to me NOW!" culture.The high numbers of infedelity proves this. We are no long taught or are teaching how to have a good and functional relationship. Divorce is no longer taboo and is very easy and lucretive to get. As a resualt everyone enters into marriage with the subconcious adittude of "if it dont work I can get a divorce. marriage is not obsolete we just treat it like garbage. When the majority of people get enggaged they plan a wedding not the marriage.After all the wedding industry is a billion dollars a year industry. Just think how few divorces and infidelity etc, there would be if they put the same amount of energy,planning, money and work into they're marriages/relationships.

truet... truetigress

I am unsure why marriage isn't as welcomed as it once was. I love the fact that I am married. I love taking my husband's last name. I love feeling that I have a paper stating to the government that I love this man and that he and I want to commit ourselves to each other. Marriage to me is not to be taken lightly. I have friends and some family that are living together and not married. I don't look down on anyone who chooses that lifestyle. It's a choice as much of everything in life is meant to be. You either choose something you believe in or you choose to follow everyone else cause they are doing it.


I don't know if things have been changed or not...but I thought with a marriage certificate you are considered "Family" in the hospital. To me that's a huge one. If something happened to my husband I would be allowed in his room no matter what. If I am just a "live in lover"  basically....would they turn me away because I was not technically family? Isn't that the one major reason that many people are wanting to make marriage legal for everyone?


 

truet... truetigress

Nicole Hazen...I have to agree with you to some extent as well. Marriage is not as sacred as it once was. You can get a quickie divorce anytime if things are not working out. Many people don't take the time to see how compatible you truely are together first. I lived with my husband a year before we married. If anything I saw what marriage to him would be like. We endured a day of questions from the Pastors to not only make sure we were compatible, but also to make sure that we would not enter into it lightly. We wrote our own vows and we kept to them. We know marriage is not easy and that was okay. We were both willing to work together to make things work. I call our marriage "A work in progress" even after we've celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary we still find new issues that pop up and that we need to work together on.


Signing our marriage license did not change who we are it enhanced what we have together..

jalaz77 jalaz77

Kind of. My bro and his girl have been together almost 16yrs, still not married. They are both on the same page about it, I know it for a fact cause the girl and I are very close! I just ask will you give my babies some cousins??!!!

Sara Carver Deericks

I know it may upset some people but it made me so proud that my son (5) just saw a disabled woman on TV and said, "I wonder if her wife or husband helps her when she can't reach something." It makes me feel like the marriage I have with my husband is teaching him that no matter who you love, marriage is important.


grace... grace2joy

I am blessed to be married for 16 years, and I know that the vows we took at our wedding are a true sign of our commitment to each other.  Our 6 children feel the security & love of our relationship.  God is the center of our life together, though not always easy and has it's challenges, I feel confident & blessed in our marriage.

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