Beware! Mustachioed Men on the Prowl Today

Amy Keyishian
3

Whiskerworks
Whiskerworks/Etsy
Happy Have Sex With a Guy With a Mustache Day! It’s a fun way to raise awareness of a serious problem -- male cancers -- so I’d love to support the cause. But when it comes right down to it, can I? Because, I mean … are mustaches sexy?

My college boyfriend once played a trick on me. He had grown a finals-week beard, and once we were all done, he went to shave it off … but came back from the bathroom with the top half still decorating his upper lip. I screamed and hid under the duvet 'til he made it go away!

On the other hand, in the '70s, mustaches were hot stuff, and they’ve been back for a while -- in an ironic, hipstery way, like trucker hats and giant sunglasses. But does that mean they’re also … attractive? As in, “Hotsy totsy, look at the face behind that big Rollie Fingers-style handlebar, I gotta get me some of that!”

To force the issue, I paged through every single photo in TMZ’s collection of celebrity mustaches, and I nearly gagged several times. Even (especially) when my super-crushes popped up. Apparently, nothing turns me off faster, and I couldn’t find a single example of a sexy (to me) mustache.

Beards, of course, are another matter entirely.

Yet maybe my hatred of mustaches is due to my own self-loathing. After all, my bathroom, like every Armenian woman’s, is always stocked with Jolene. (By the way, mean celebrity fact: when you type “celebrity moustache” into Google Images, the first picture that pops up is Lourdes Ciccone. My sista!) Of course, if they’re easily removable, that’s just adorable.

What do you think? Are mustaches sexy? Why or why not? Tell us in the comments!


 
Image via Whiskerworks/Etsy´╗┐

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