Image via VH1We learned a lot of important lessons in Episode 3 of My Big Friggin' Wedding, such as how to throw the worst bridal shower ever. After witnessing 22-year-old Alyssa's tears, I've decided this might just be the most depressing show ever. Let's review:
Lesson #1: A pregnant bridesmaid and a drunk mom do not mix. Alyssa's best friend throws her a surprise shower. There's an adorable cake with two giant rings on it and Alyssa is surprised. And that's where the good times end.
Her 40-year-old mom gets drunk — shocker! — pulls up the pregnant host's dress to reveal that she isn't wearing any panties, a 10-person argument breaks out, a thunderstorm hits, the power goes out, and Alyssa leaves in tears. Just when you think it couldn't get any worse, Alyssa's mom tails her home, having puked in Grandma's car on the way over. This really does not bode well for Alyssa and Tyler's wedding.
Lesson #2: Book the car, or anything for that matter, in advance. Three weeks before their big day, Matt and Amanda go to look at luxury cars, and the only bridal car left is a silver '59 Bentley. Amanda is not pleased, and much like her description of her future mother-in-law's antique espresso maker as "like, Huckleberry Finn," she declares, "It's, like, funeral." It's unclear whether they actually reserve any of the cars they look at, but they are told by the dealer it's best to book six to eight months in advance. Got that, people?
Lesson #3: Everybody friggin' loves feathers. Last week, Sandra quit her job and this is causing major tension between her and Joey as they try to budget their wedding. Nevertheless, there's one thing they agree on: feathers! At a meeting with their wedding planner, it's revealed that their wedding will be exploding with white feathers. Joey declares that he friggin' loves feathers. "Feathers are better than flowers," he says, as though anyone would be crazy enough to disagree. "We're gonna go crazy with the feathers," the wedding planner assures him.
Lesson #4: 20 pounds of meat makes 177 meatballs. And after Johnny and his pregnant, beleaguered fiancée Megin make 1,000 of Johnny's famous meatballs for a grocery store, they make a $20 profit. "I kinda feel like we were paying people to eat his balls," sighs Megin, making my job way too easy.
Lesson #5: If you think you're pregnant, just keep drinking until you know for sure! Seriously. Tammie says something to that effect after confessing that she suspects she might be pregnant (although her fiancé, Danny, claims this is their fifth "scare") but plans to keep it a secret, then gets drunk at her boss's party and spills to all the ladies that she might be pregnant, no, wait, she can feel the baby kicking, so yeah, she's probably definitely pregnant. They try to take away Tammie's drink, but she insists she's in that gray area where she can still drink, later admitting to the cameras that she'll most likely have to part with her beloved cotton candy vodka because "I heard it does brain damage." This, by the way, is a great time for Danny to bring up that pre-nup he wants her to sign, because his first wife took his snowblower to Georgia, and heaven forbid that happens again!
Should Tammie be drinking if she thinks she's pregnant? Also, shouldn't she just take a pregnancy test?