Removing Tattoos: The Ultimate 'I Love You'

Jeanne Sager
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Tigger TattooHe's known as the Disney tattoo guy thanks to the 2,200 Disney images that cover his body. And now George Rieger has found a new love. He's seeking a divorce from his tattoos so he can marry his flesh and blood lady love.

What follows is a letter to his ink.

Dear Mickey, Goofy, and the Gang:

Buzz Lightyear was right, the laser is a pretty powerful weapon. It's coming to take you out.

I'm sorry little guys. After almost 40 years of holding the banner high, high, high, I'm handing over my card to the Mickey Mouse club and joining the real world. I did the impossible. I found a woman who thinks I'm normal enough to live with, and she's even OK with the tattoos. Not surprisingly, I met Kathleen at a Disney convention.

People joked that I was the sideshow entertainment. But I've finally admitted to the world that I just got you for attention. Unfortunately, too much of it came from toddlers. They used to point at my shoulder and scream, "Beast!" They didn't seem to notice Beauty was there too. They'll both be gone soon anyway.

For what it's worth, don't feel bad guys. You're not real, er, alone. My 5,000-piece collection of Disneyana is going too. I already took it all to a gallery, even the 15-foot Nautilus submarine that's one of just three in the world and the 8-foot-tall Jack Skellington figure from the Disney/Tim Burton fantasy film The Nightmare Before Christmas. The auctioneers have been hitting daycares and pre-schools to find buyers.

Once it sells, I'm off to Miami to join my Minnie. Her name's Kathleen. No comment on whether she wears a bow and big clunky shoes. We're working on that. Maybe after the wedding?

Anyway, I'd tell you her real name, but we all know Tinkerbell's the jealous type, and she's about to be wiped off my back sometime soon. And don't get me started on all the villains below my knees. Who's willing to bet Ursula will be a real witch coming off?

As for the other piece of real estate where the Disney Corporation has taken up rent-free residence (those jerks haven't paid me a dime, and would you believe I can't work there because employees can't have visible tattoos?): at the moment, we're not yet sure who will buy my house with the Mouse-ear doorways. If you know any other guys who have no shot in hell of ever getting laid, send 'em my way. Hope they can handle Pennsylvania winters.

Let's make this divorce amicable, can't we? I'm just looking for my happily ever after here.

Magically yours,

Soon-to-be Ex-Disney Tattoo Guy

 

Image via Bradley Jones/Flickr

 

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