At the end of any ordinary, hectic day, if you ask most moms if they'd rather have wild, passionate sex with their partners or have wild, passionate dreams while they get some extra shut eye, most busy moms would probably choose the latter. Sad and true, but yes, we're tired. So tired that we often forget that the purpose of sex is enjoyment -- ours, too!
Today, Laurie Mintz, Ph.D., author of A Tired Woman’s Guide to Passionate Sex, joins us. Clinical research has found her book to increase sexual desire and arousal in women who read it, so get ready, cause she has some tips to share with us right here -- 20 exciting tips toward passionate sex. You ready?
20 Things a Tired Mom Can Do to Have More Passionate Sex
- Remember that sex is for you and your enjoyment. Rather than thinking about it as one more chore on your to-do list or one more thing someone wants from you, think of it as your time!
- Speaking of chores, if doing more than your share of them is what’s exhausting you, have a discussion about sharing the load more evenly with your partner.
- Think about sex when you aren’t having it. Try taking a one-minute sex break every hour where you think about sex, perhaps engaging in a quick sexual fantasy or recalling an exciting previous exciting sexual encounter.
- Turn off your busy brain when you are having sex by quickly stopping any invasive thoughts about your to-do list and instead, immersing fully in the physical sensations.
- Try to find a way to get some time for yourself, and use this time to exercise. Research shows that exercise increases sex drive and satisfaction. Yoga may be especially effective, according to some research.
- Make sure you and your partner are touching each other affectionately on a daily basis.
- Get your juices flowing by engaging in quick, teasing touch at times and in places where sex would not be appropriate or possible.
- Turn up the heat by engaging in provocative talk at times when sex would be impossible. Send sexy emails or text messages during the day, for example.
- Read an erotic book or watch an erotic movie, either alone or with your partner.
- Use a lubricant during a sexual encounter and experiment with a variety of types, textures, and smells.
- Buy a toy, such as a vibrator and use it both alone and with your partner.
- Masturbate. The more sex you have (including with yourself), the more sex you want.
- When you are having a sexual encounter, start standing up and slowly disrobing one another.
- Realize that for many women, sexual desire follows sexual touching. Don’t wait to be “horny” to have a sexual encounter. Instead, “just do it” and enjoy it. Remember that if it is fun, it isn’t duty sex!
- Give up on the myth of spontaneous sex and instead, plan for sexual encounters (“trysts”) with your partner.
- Plan trysts for times other than right before bed. As just two examples, try setting the alarm ninety minutes after you have fallen asleep, or get frisky as soon as your child goes down for a nap or to play at a friend’s house on the weekend.
- Hire a babysitter and instead of going to dinner or a movie, take a picnic, music, and candles to a hotel room.
- Understand your body, especially the central role of the clitoris in excitement and orgasm. Know that the vast majority of women (70%) don’t orgasm with intercourse alone. Give this up as a goal and instead, enjoy the fact that your clitoris has more nerve endings than anywhere in your body!
- Realize that in general, women are slow-cookers -- we need time to become aroused, with this time increasing with exhaustion and stress. Take the time you need without rushing or being goal-oriented.
- Most important, remember that communication is the bed-rock to make your bed rock. Communicate your general and sexual needs clearly and directly to your partner.
You still with me or did I lose you to a good tip? I have to admit #1 struck home for me (oh yeah ... it's for me too), and if I didn't need to share all 20 tips with you, I'd have been out of here right after I read that one.
Which tip stirs a little something in you?
Image via Jaci Berkopec/Flickr