My Boyfriend Loves Our Threesome -- But I Don't

32

crowd

Dear Dating Mom:

I’ve been dating this guy for about 6 months. I really have feelings for him. Problem is he has this girl he’s been friends with for a few years and they are always talking on the phone and sometimes, she will go out with us as well. She's pretty attractive and has even slept on his couch every now and again. I really like him but I’m wondering if I should stick around.

Signed,

Three Is Crowding Me

Dear Three Is Crowding Me:

Funny you should be asking this particular question because I too had the exact same problem when I was dating my then future ex-husband. I vividly remember all the phone calls, all the time she spent with us, and I just hated it when he told me how she was his best friend and what a great human being she was.

Just listening to him say her name over and over again was probably the most intolerable thing for me. It was always, “my mother said this” and “my mother said that” and “one time my mother ...” 

It got so bad that at one point, I informed my own mother that for evermore I would refer to her as either “Dina” or “Woman who birthed me” and that the “M" word was banished from my vocabulary. To this day, I insist that my own daughter either call me “Jessica” or “Almighty One” and on the days that she really pisses me off, “Oh Beautiful Woman Who Gave Me Life.”

So trust me when I say, I know EXACTLY what you’re going through.

I have to admit, however, that since his mother was 30-plus years older than I am, at least I knew I was always going to be younger and better looking. I have no idea what you look like, but it’s never a good thing when an attractive gal is sleeping in your boyfriend’s apartment. I don’t care if she’s on the couch or curled up inside his dishwasher, no good can come from that for you.

Also, you didn’t mention what she wears when she sleeps there. Not that it would matter. If a man is attracted to a woman, she could walk in wearing maternity clothes and a miner’s hat and he’d still be all over her like white on rice. Simply put, I would move on. Actually, correction, I would run.

Maybe your boyfriend is in deep denial or aspires to be a polygamist, but either way, my suggestion is to find a guy who not only makes you his number one priority, but most importantly, has a dead mother.

Are you a single mom with a question about dating/sex/love? Or do you just want to try to trip Jessica up? Leave her a question in comments or you can write to her directly at bernzee@mac.com.


Image via Susan Blood


dating, love, breakups, lying, sex, turn-offs, dating mom

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nonmember avatar Grumble Girl

That would drive me totally bonkers, mos def... run, Forrest, RUN!!

LeeAnn Piazzola

Guys that talk ex-girlfriends at all are 100% more likely to become ex-boyfriends or ex-husbands....run for the hills!

Kate Coveny Hood

I laughed out loud when you said it was hs mother. As a long time reader - I should have seen that coming... Also good advice. My husband's best friend is a man and he never went on our dates OR slept over. Once in an emergency situation (her ceiling fell in and she couldn't reach anyone else she knew and had no money for a hotel) is fine - but as a common pattern? Weird.

nonmember avatar Jack

I don’t care if she’s on the couch or curled up inside his dishwasher

The day that my best friend couldn't curl up inside my GE Profile was the day our friendship ended.

My telling her that her hips were expanding probably didn't help.

Anyhoo, I'd be very concerned any time a third party is involved in your relationship. That is trouble.

nonmember avatar Deb

Polygamy is so overrated. Valentine's Day alone is crazy expensive!

Heather Westberg King

Yes. RUN. :)


And I busted up when you said it was his mom...so ridiculously funny.


and the dishwasher...that too.


Loved this.

Jill Smokler

I always, ALWAYS, advise my single friends to find a man with no mother. Best advice I can give.

David Johnson

Wow you ladies are insecure. Really? You're going to kick the poor guy to the curb because you don't have the balls (or ovaries/courage) to just pull the guy to the side and ask him about the relationship? You're going to let your own insecurities destroy what could otherwise be an amazing relationship. What you don't seem to understand, is that your boyfriend, by simply having crossed the boundary into true and honest to god platonic friendship with a woman has the potential to really 'get it'... He has a friend, who when you do whatever women do that confuses the holy hell out of my gender (dudes) can sit him down and explain it. She'll play devils advocate in a way that a male best friend can never understand.

When you have that big fight, The male best friend will take the boyfriend out and get him drunk, and laugh his tail off when your boyfriend is railing a skank in the ladies room. On the other hand: A female best friend will be pointing out all the reasons why you're such an awesome girlfriend, and exactly what you meant when you said A., B. or C. She'll point out why you're so good for him. She'll tell him to ditch that horrible shirt so he looks good for you when you hit the swanky place down town...


If you really care about the fellow, just sit him down and ask for more 'us' time. Problem solved.

nonmember avatar The Stiletto Mo

Sadly for me, both of my mothers in law are thinner than I am. Life is not fair!! But I do agree with your assessment, a pretty girl hanging around that much, friend or whatever, spells trouble with a capital T!

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