Calling your guy by a pet name is like screaming, "Hey guys, we have sex when we're not around you" in a crowd of friends. Now a bunch of women want us to feel bad about it. So it's time to fight for your Snookums!
Face it, ladies. You're finally in a relationship where it's OK to let a little mush fly without having to worry that he'll turn Mr. No-Commitment and flee. He's a keeper.
But according to Maggie Arana and Julienne Davis, coauthors of Stop Calling Him Honey and Start Having Sex: How Changing Your Everyday Habits Will Make You Hot for Each Other All Over Again, all those "Honeys" and "Snookums" are killing your sex life. They say Pookey finds it "dehumanizing" and "desexualizing."
The pet name is annoying when you're talking about your "Honey" all through girls' night. And asking "Baby" to go take out the trash is hardly your most endearing moment.
But we'll tell you what's desexualizing. Envisioning your mom mid-blow job. She's the woman who named him Tim. Calling him "Honey" kicks her out of the room where she belongs.
Regardless of the time and love put into name choices by our parents, the fact is: it's the one thing that's absolutely most open about us. It's in the phone book. It's on our IRS forms. It's what the doctor, the teacher, and the boss all use to identify us. It may be the least sexual thing about us.
It takes someone who knows us well to go beyond Jane or John and come up with something more defining. Even if it's just Janey. Or Janebug. Suddenly every conversation has a different tone. It's not "Jane, this is Doctor B, and you have a tumor." It's "Hey, lady I love and someone I'm always here for, there's something we need to talk about."
When my husband uses his pet name for me, it's like slipping on an old shoe. Not sexy, perhaps, but eminently comfortable. I'm not a number to him. I'm his Bear (yeah, yeah, go ahead and laugh).
Which makes the pet name the polar opposite of dehumanizing. It's a little reminder that to someone, somewhere, we count. We're their honey, their snookums, their queen bee. Being "known," really known, is sexy. I don't care how hot the one-night-stand sex is, nothing can top sex with someone who sees inside your soul and still wants you.
So if getting that mushy with someone can't get you laid, then you aren't trying hard enough.
What's your pet name?
Image via gordontarpley/Flickr