Dear Dating Mom: I Can't Fake 'It' Anymore

Jessica Bern
2

Dear Dating Mom:

I read that in a recent study, 85 percent of men said their latest sexual partner had an orgasm, while only 64 percent of the women reported having an orgasm in their most recent sexual event. Should I tell my boyfriend that I’m not always being “truthful”?

Signed,

Better Luck Next Time

Dear Better Luck Next Time:

I’m a big believer in being honest with yourself and your partner. That being said, I also live by the credo, “If you can’t say something nice about someone, then it’s better to just say nothing at all.”

I have never faked an orgasm before. Being married to my ex for so long, I just basically said, “Not tonight, dear" over and over again until he finally got the picture and started drinking instead. Oh, happy times.

I’m not even sure how I would go about faking an orgasm anyway. Do you scream, “Oh, oh, great, good, nice job” and then just randomly pick a time to stop? Have you timed how long it took you to have an orgasm in the past when you were NOT faking it and then followed that memory?

Maybe it’s because I have yet to hire someone to reconnect the filter between what I’m thinking and what I’m saying, because if I don’t reach the top of the mountain, the guy is going to know. Although, to be sure, I certainly wouldn’t be mean about it. No. I’d probably just say something like, “Do you think you gave it your all or do you wanna go back and try it again? It’s fine either way, but you’ve got five seconds to make up your mind because if not, Biggest Loser is on and I forgot to set my TiVo.”

To me, men are a lot like children, who, as we all know, thrive when they are told how wonderful they are and what a good job they did. If all else is well in your relationship, then give it the old college try, and if he fails to escort you to the land of the “Oh my God, that feels amazing,” well, toss out a couple of “Oh yeahs,” top them off with a “Give me an amen!” or whatever the hell you’d normally do, and then just go on with your life or bed.

The only caveat here is as long as you’re not missing any of your favorite TV shows or taking precious time away from other invaluable things, such as sleeping, it seems like a win-win to me.

Are you a single mom with a question about dating/sex/love? Or do you just want to try to trip Jessica up? Leave her a question in comments or you can write to her directly at bernzee@mac.com.


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