Have you ever dated a man who spends more time on his looks than you do?
How about one who is afraid of his own shadow or dresses in his college football team colors every day?
There are more than a handful of types of men like these that you should learn to avoid in love and in lust.
Here are the characteristics of 8 of the most dreadful types. Learn to recognize the warning signs and then think twice about settling in for the long winter with them.
1. Mouse Man: Afraid of his own shadow. If you were to hear a strange noise coming from downstairs in the middle of the night, he would tell you to take a big stick and go see what it was. He's even scared of you. Which can sometimes work in your favor.
2. Prettier Than You Man: He's got a beautiful face, a perfect six-pack, and hair that is better groomed than yours. Not to mention a back, sack, and crack wax. Looks at himself in the mirror while you're putting the kids to bed, doing the laundry, and mowing the lawn. He's a metrosexual but in the worse sense of the word.
3. Needier Than a Newborn Man: This guy has more insecurities than an aging, has-been Hollywood diva. Not just about his looks but about his ability to perform in bed, whether or not your mother likes him and the kind of car he drives. He ends every statement with this approval-seeking question: "Right?"
4. More Boring Than a Bird-Watching Man: Actually, bird watching is his favorite pastime. Sitting there for hours, trying to spot a purple-headed sparrow. Or was it a blue-winged gold bellied warbler? His idea of fun and adventure? Buying the store brand of peanut butter and putting the toilet paper roll on backwards.
5. Judge, Jury & Bailiff Man: Fancies himself to be an officer of the law, but the closest he ever got was a tour of the local police department. And wearing his Village People cop costume for Halloween last year. Is constantly commenting on other people's driving (too fast, too slow, no blinker) including yours and would make citizen's arrests if he could actually get away with it.
6. Immature Class Clown Man: Thinks the Toys R Us song, "I don't want to grow up," should be his personal anthem. Still laughs every time he farts and burps, especially in front of your friends. Can quote all of Jim Carrey's movies, especially Ace Ventura, and doesn't understand why the man has never won an Oscar. If you want an extra child, he would gladly volunteer.
7. Fanatic Sports Team Guy: Everything, and I mean everything, in his life revolves around his favorite sports team. His schedule, his home décor, his wardrobe, and even his car. He's going to be at the games, in the cold, with his chest painted in team colors. When he's 50 years old. Not a pretty visual.
8. Mama's Little Boy: Is incapable of being a fully functioning adult. Not entirely his fault. His mother never pushed him out of the nest. All the more reason you don't want to end up with him because his mother is part of the package.
Have you ever dated a man who fits into one of these categories?
Image via Monica's Dad/Flickr