X-Rated Jack O' Lanterns -- Check 'Em Out!


halloween pumpkinOur apologies to the skanky costume. You've just been bested for tackiest attempt at sexing up the kid's paradise that is Halloween.

The jack o' lantern is officially no longer safe. It's been porned.

Apparently the creators of Pornkins missed the memo released after the Lorena Bobbitt debacle?

Penis plus knife = bad idea.

The dirty stencils come 10 to a pack, each pose worthy of its own place on the sexual bucket list:

pornkins threesomeFrom threesomes to doggy style, there's enough variety to make a prostitute blush, and they're being advertised with scantily clad women wearing undies that say "carve me" and holding a huge (read: scary) knife:

pornkins carve this

And because nothing says All Hallows' Eve like a shadowy creature fellating another shadowy creature on a bright orange gourd, the blow job features heavily:



There's nothing wrong with having adult fun on a kids' holiday, but let's be blunt, shall we? There are artists. And then there's the rest of us who try to carve pumpkins on Halloween.

When you're dealing with something as particular as two (or three -- this is an equal opportunity exhibitionist kit after all) people in flagrante indelicato, one slice of the knife and this could be spectacularly bad. Somebody could lose a breast! Or a penis! Or both!

In the tradition of nothing ever looking quite as good as it did on the box, something tells us pumpkin porn could look an awful lot like one of those Magic Eye pictures -- if I stare at it long enough, will I finally figure out what it's supposed to be?

Not to mention composting these bad boys after the party's over has its complications. They'll have to be good and smashed lest the neighbors start their tongues a wagging.

What do you think: sexy fun or a shame to waste all those pumpkins?


Images via euart/Flickr; Pornkins

sexuality, sex


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Jou-Jou Jou-Jou

I don't see any harm in it IF you don't have any kids coming in and out of your home..and IF other kids in your neighborhood won't ever see it. Anyone who puts this in eyesight of kids is being disrespectful to kids.

CherB... CherBearCM

LMAO  I'm just imaginging as they're decomposing and boobs start sagging... among other things ;)

eliza... elizabeth.mary

I don't see anything wrong with it if you're having an adult party or something like that, but I do NOT want my kids seeing that. I think if you're putting them in plain view where children can see then I think that's disrespectful.

DebaLa DebaLa

Other than the fact that these pumpkin samples were PhotoShop'd by the mfr, as they were all done on the same shiny plastic pumpkin image, I can't see that anyone would actually go to the trouble. One wrong swipe = jiggly or pointing carnage, tho that wouldn't be such a buzz-kill for those guys with a thing for gourds. All around gross and inappropriate as far as the true spirit of Halloween goes. This stuff is sold online, so too late for child's eyes, unfortunately.

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