Open marriage has been all over the press lately, thanks to Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher.
According to Brittney Jones, Kutcher's alleged mistress, the two actors have an open marriage and engage in threesomes often.
This is not unheard of. Jenny Block, a writer and author of the book Open, also has an open marriage, something she credits for basically making her a happy person again:
Different people fulfill different wants and needs. It's not that complicated. I am fearful of where we might end up if we don't open ourselves up. People aren't going to stop having affairs. Gays and lesbians aren't going to become heterosexual. Couples will continue to split up. People will continue to seek out alternative paths ...
For Block, open marriage was a path to discovering her true self and sexuality. For others, it's a marriage wrecker.
The biggest road block, of course, is jealousy. For many, this is the reason it would never work. Block suggests that she is just not a jealous person and that seeing her husband happy truly makes her happy.
Also, Block is bisexual and settling into a one-man, one-woman relationship was stifling for her sexuality. The book gives a convincing argument for open marriage and how it might look in a strong union that is full of love and trust.
Of course, sometimes it's just the first step on the road to divorce. My friend S said her mother had an open marriage in the 1970s when it was a trendy thing to try.
The open marriage was my mother's first husband's idea and it broke up when she met my father (the only person she really dated outside her marriage). My mom and dad have been together and monogamous ever since (35 years).
That is always the danger. Sex isn't neat for everyone and once emotions become involved, then it can become blurry.
H has experimented with open marriage and she said the most important thing to know is why you want it:
Is someone not satisfied? Is it out of curiosity? Is it to "spice" up the sex life? The answer for "WHY do we want to try this?" will determine if it's right for that couple.
Of course, that makes sense. Block and her husband wanted it because their marriage was fulfilling, but their sex life wasn't. She was honest about that, which makes her a good candidate. If your reasons are more complicated and involve more emotional ties, it can be a dangerous road to go down.
I'm a big believer in making the rules for your own marriage, for not setting up a one size fits all approach to a union that is full of different personalities and sexual urges. What works for my marriage might not work for yours and vice versa. If Demi and Ashton are engaging in threesomes and have an open marriage, more power to them.
As long as the communication lines are open, I say whatever floats your boat!
Would you ever have an open marriage or try a threesome?
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