Ask Dad: 5 Sex Roles for the Uptight Husband

Andrew Dalton

Case of the Mondays? As you sit at the work desk or park-parent bench, let your mind drift off to the bedroom with another edition of Ask Dad. Any questions?

I am desperate to get my husband to role-play but he won't let his guard down enough to get into it. Any tips on how to relax him enough to play along?

I'm assuming you've tried beer. If so and it hasn't worked, don't move up to roofies. It's likely to turn out a lot like The Hangover, without the everything-works-out-in-the-end part. 

I don't have much experience with role-playing, unless you count my several secret families, but I have a lot of friends in the theater, and they would say there's a right role for every actor. Maybe you're just asking the hubs to play a part he's not suited for, like when Keanu Reeves is cast to play anyone but himself.

Are you asking him to pretend he's the gardener? The cable guy? A 17th-century blacksmith? I've got almost no dignity, but donning a wig or cords over my shoulder would just feel silly.

So how about some roles he might like to play? Some suggestions:

  • Luke and Leia: A robe, a lightsaber, a swing on a rope, a kiss. Perfect. If your man is anywhere near my age, he'd be totally stoked for this. Try it. May the force be ... wait, wait, they were brother and sister weren't they? I haven't seen Return of the Jedi forever. Sorry, don't want to suggest that level of fantasy. Let's try this again.
  • Han and Leia: That's better. Han Solo's way hotter anyway. Imagine a vest, boots, a blaster, and nothing else. Sexy, right? Also, while Friends mostly feels like a silly '90s relic now, they got one thing right. Any boy raised in the early '80s will go nuts for a lady in the Leia metal bikini. Neck chain is optional and really not recommended. And remember, if he tells you he loves you, the answer is "I know." 
  • Spider-Man and Mary Jane: A mask, an upside down kiss as you peel it off, maybe in the shower for the rain effect? I'm getting excited just typing it. A little dangerous maybe, but what's love without some danger? 
  • President and First Lady: Any oval rooms in your house? Oh, it doesn't matter. But a nice suit for him, a nice pants suit for you, a little Hail to the Chief ... He may get off on all the power. Of course if it all feels a little too safe and square, you could do president and intern. Or First Lady and Secret Service guy.
  • Tiger and Elin: He a golfer? Maybe he'd like to pretend to be Tiger Woods begging to come back home, and you as the wronged Swedish hottie can make him beg and grovel and do anything you ask to come back. Then you can chase him out of the house screaming when it's over.

There are some pitfalls. Like giving nicknames to genitals, playing roles can lead to heightened expectations. Your husband may be intimidated by the idea that he needs to wield his lightsaber like a Jedi master. That could be behind his reticence.

Then there's the dark side. As Yoda might say, careful the road you go down. Like what you find you may not.

Your husband might decide he loves all this role-playing, and it's time to express his deepest desire to strap on a fur suit, or a diaper, or something beyond both of our imaginations. May the force be with you.


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