8 Sexy Halloween Costume FAILS!

Amy Keyishian

Boo! ThongWith Halloween on the way, you’re probably obsessing over whether your little one should opt for Elmo, Dorothy, or Ladybug. I know that’s the question hanging over my head.

But look, Victoria’s Secret has a whole ‘nother dilemma for you: what look should you sport, later on All Hallow’s Eve -- when you’re snuggling up to your hubby for a little trick or treat?
Actually, this is a little depressing. While in years past, I made cute little costumes, like Poodle (I wore a real dog collar, naugh-tay!), Firefly (a battery-powered light on my heinie!), and Bunny Rabbit (that was in college, and it was really just stupid), these days I’d more likely opt for Sexy Little Hazmat or Sexy Little Fertility Statue.
Which is probably why I’m so mean about these kooky little outfits from the prime panty purveyor. But come on!

Sexy Little Kitty
Here’s my main problem with Sexy Little Kitty: In no way is this costume in the least kitty-like. Where’s the tail? The nose? The touchable, pet-able fur? All we’ve got, feline-wise, is the ears, and frankly they look a bit bat-like. They should have called this Sexy Little Bat and packaged it with Ray-Bans and wings. That would be totally worth it. Meanwhile I'll go as Unsexy Little Cat Hoarder.
 Sexy Little Air Hostess
Sexy Little Air Hostess
is actually a very cute idea! But I’m not seeing it. Besides the hat, what says “stewardess” here? Let’s face it: real vintage stewardess uniforms are a lot sexier, and you get to wear a bouffant hairdo! (PS: word to the wise -- eBay has real vintage uniforms of many kinds! Ask Nurse Amy how she knows!)

Sexy Little Nurse 
Sexy Little Nurse is … trite. I mean, how original! A sexy nurse? That’s not on the front cover of every “adult” costume catalog! And this one just gives me the icks because it’s got that huge red stripe down the front. Is this a sexy unsuccessful nurse? Sexy nurse who was on duty in Okinawa? Hm, this might be a funnier idea …

Sexy Little Cowgirl

Sexy Little Cowgirl! Cute fringe! I feel like the hat should be of the little tiny variety though. Still, this one gets higher points because it actually invokes what it’s supposed to. True story: I also went out one year in a homemade Sexy Little Cowgirl getup, but the piece de resistance was my pistol-shaped vibrator. Oh, my 20s!
 Sexy Little Senorita
Sexy Little Senorita: I don't get why anyone would dress as a Spanish lady regardless of tackiness. Don’t you then have to go around all night trying to remember your high-school Spanish? And doing that goofy stomping dance? And I don’t think you’re supposed to be blond. I think you’re supposed to have black hair and a giant spit-curl. This one does nothing for me.

Sexy Little Valentine 
Sexy Little Valentine: Wait, what month is this? You dress like a valentine on Valentine’s Day. Doesn’t this violate some kind of holiday non-compete clause? No like. Not a costume. The wand is cute. Buy it and put it away 'til February.
 Sexy Little Bride
Sexy Little Bride: Oh, this is a great idea! Yeah! So you tell your boyfriend of, say, 18 months that you have a big Halloween surprise for him! Then he comes over and you’re wearing a wedding dress! And he falls over backward and has a coronary because NEWS FLASH, GUYS HATE THAT! Fail.
 Sexy Little Sailor
Sexy Little Sailor: This one I like! Cute little hipster panties, cute little bustier, love the hat and cuffst. If I still rocked the bod, this is the one I’d spring for. Cue submarine jokes, gling gling! Gling gling!
Do you like any of these Victoria’s Secret get-ups? If you were doing a sexy Halloween costume, what would you choose?

Images via Victoria's Secret

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