5 Warning Signs That He's Abusive


angry manHaving been a victim of domestic violence, I didn't recognize the warning signs until the dam busted. Then suddenly, they began flooding my mind, signs that truly had been there all along -- I just didn't realize it.

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and now is as good of a time as any to receive a quick lesson on what to look out for, before it's too late. Here are five warning signs that your significant other may become emotionally or physically abusive.

  • Manipulative: This is one reason women have such a hard time of letting go of abusive partners, because they are so manipulative that they make you think you need them, that they'll never hurt you again, etc. If he is really good at turning every argument around so that it's always seemingly your fault, this is a red flag for an abusive personality.
  • Controlling and Jealous: He showers you with love when it's just the two of you, but when it comes to friends or family, he gets jealous of the time you spend with them. Trying to isolate you, picking fights when you try to hang out with others, acting jealous, or accusing you of infidelity are huge warning signs.
  • Punishes: Abusive people thrive on power and superiority, so if he punishes you with withholding sexual relations, opting out of quality time planned, or verbally criticizes you, it's a form of abuse.
  • Disrespects Women: Pay attention to how he treats the women in his life, whether it be his mother, sisters, or the waitress. That could be a glimpse into how he treats you later on down the road. 
  • Has a History of Abuse: If you know he was abusive in a previous relationship, then it's likely he'll be abusive again. Also, abusive behavior is oftentimes learned. If he was brought up in an abusive household, he is just that much more likely to have abusive characteristics.

I'm not saying you should dump a guy just because he yells at you one time, but keep these in the back of your mind -- they could save you from emotional or physical abuse.


Image via LarsLarsLars!/Flickr

breakups, dating, love


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Grotezus Grotezus

     The article is so true. But, many of us refuse to admit that we have a partner who is abusive, for some reason, until it is too late. Eventually, most of us come around, although, in some cases, it takes an incident for us to "wake up and smell the coffee." Those of us that are lucky, gather our strength and courage, and finally stand up for ourselves, admit the horrible truth, and move on. I am speaking from experience. I come from a place that has the highest incidence of domestic violence related deaths. Fortunately, I was one of the lucky ones. But, domestic violence is not only physical, it is verbal, emotional and psychological as well. So ladies, if you know that you are in an uncomfortable situation, if you can not fix it, please have the courage to walk away. Never use the children as an excuse> Trust me, they're better off with a single mom that is alive and well, than with a mom/dad household full of yelling, fights, unhappiness, and abuse...


doms_... doms_mommy

Wow! How True is This!

Now if Only Walking away Was as Easy as Noticing These Signs! What Do you Do When you've Lost EVERYONE in Your Life Besides Him, & Have No Where to Go Not Just Me But Our 2yr old Son Too? What Happeneds When you Do Get the Courage to Leave after You've Taken all You Thought you Could, then that Minipulator Bawls & Promises things Will Change & It Wont Happen Again, & Our Son NEEDS His Family & Makes you Feel So Damn Low For Leaving Him & When "I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME" We Can Make This Work I PROMISE We'll Be Happy!

Nah Its Not that easy to just LEAVE When You Have Nothing & No-One Else to Care No Where to Go No Support Not Even Your Own Two Feet to Stand on B/c There So Weak From Being Put Down Day in & Day Out.

Almost Everyone Has Something to Look Forward too!  I look Forward to the End of Misrery & Hell 

nonmember avatar Jennifer

To doms_mommy, I just read your comment now, 1 1/2 years after you wrote it. I can't believe no one has ever reached out to you based on that post. If you see my post, please email me and let me know how you are, what your current situation is and if you still need help. Okay?

Jennifer, New Hampshire

nonmember avatar Laura

I can so relate to Doms_mommy! I used to work for the system and help families & children mostly from som sort of abuse. Now I find myself in those same shoes but can't seem to help myself. He controls everything including money, always has. So now that I realize Im in this hell hole, how do I get out without money?? I've no family, they've all passed or I've been alienated for so long. I've got 2 children, one who is ill, where can I turn?? I'm drowning and gasping or air yet there is none. Everything is my fault, Im tired of being so damn trapped and overwhelmed with it all. It's almost easier to deal with the abuse if it wasn't for my kids. I've tried a hotline but they want me to call the cops on him, then and only then will they help. That will only piss him off more and either I will end up dead or my children gone. So what do I do??? Drown....... Just so tired and so damn hurt, can't take it anymore!! I wish I could change my name, my children's & just dissappear somewhere to start over, but again, with very little money.... There is no options. Trapped in my hell hole & can't find a way out! :((

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