Teen Mom has been so busy slogging through criticism that it's glamorizing teen pregnancy lately, there hasn't been a whole lot of talk about what MTV has been doing right:
Showing Amber Portwood beating on her boyfriend, Gary Shirley.
Watching Amber deliver a roundhouse punch to Gary's face, trying to push him down the stairs, and throwing things at him, what you're seeing represents at least 40 percent of domestic violence situations in America.
That's not what you see on Law and Order: SVU week after week. It's what actually happens.
According to one study published in 2002 in the American Journal of Preventative Medicine:
"Men and women engage in overall comparable levels of abuse and control, such as diminishing the partner’s self-esteem, isolation and jealousy, using children and economic abuse; however, men engage in higher levels of sexual coercion and can more easily intimidate physically."
But the TV version of female on male domestic violence is generally played up for laughs like Debra Barone elbowing Raymond in the stomach on Everybody Loves Raymond (or twisting his nipple OR grabbing his hair and jerking his head back ... this woman had very real anger issues).
What America has been busy mocking, Teen Mom has been able to convey in scenes that are painful to watch because of their reality. They're scenes serious enough to have prompted an official police investigation into Portwood's violent history -- and RadarOnline recently learned the state's child services department is involved.
That Teen Mom shows these bursts of violent behavior does not change what happens in the Portwood/Shirley home -- they would and apparently do still happen. That the channel has opted to show them allows Shirley's suffering to do some good.
While he never responds in violence -- asking only if Portwood is done hitting him during one of her recent outbursts -- he also never reaches out for help. He even talks frequently about getting back together with her; all classic signs of someone who has accepted the fate of being "abused."
But men are a particular challenge for domestic violence investigators and counselors, because many can't be convinced that man can and are victims of domestic violence.
That Portwood is a woman, that she's shorter, and yet she practically pushes Shirley down the stairs blows the idea that a man can't be abused because he's "bigger" out the window. Similarly, the back-up he receives from friends and family -- both male and female -- conveys clearly that a man is not judged as less of a man for being victimized.
Both have stood as clear hurdles to female on male violence getting appropriate attention -- because the men are afraid to report the problem.
Teen Mom isn't perfect, but in opting to show the reality of domestic violence, it's doing all of America a service.
This they're getting right.
Image via MTV
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Comments (8)
I wish Gary would get Leah and himself out of that relationship. It's nothing but toxic for him and his child. He should put Leah's needs before his own. See what it is doing is more harm to the child if he continues to stay in a relationship with an abusive girlfriend, and mother of his child.
I have put up with this kind of abuse for years with five children under my belt. I also relize that I gave it to being a teen mother my self. I was angry at not having what i want when I wanted it. I see my self in this young lady. And if some does not step in like me who will help her under stand that if she can dish it then she can live with the problems that it brings. In other word don't go to jail like i did get sentence to do classes and then to an abuse women shelter to learn I am so much better for it I have five children and a great SO she needs help not discipline for her action. We need to help her find a way to get over this and move on away from him because she don't know how to treat him because she hate her self and the situation that she is in. She need school support some one need to give her a job good day care and a support team. I would love to help but I am disable and what can I teach her that she has not already taught her self by becoming a mother.
Domestic Violence is always stereotyped as woman being abused by men so it is interesting to see the other side of the violence. I think that by being on the show Amber has to actually comes to term with what she's doing. She made a formal apology, video seen on the MTV website. She may be able to watch the show and see her actions and hopefully will realize how wrong they are and try to get the help she needs to stop.
Thanks for speaking out about a much ignored and refuted type of dv. I have been fighting for over ten years to bring more awareness to this issue. The letter below is something we have been sending out to newspapers: (abbreviated slightly to fit here)
October is DV Awareness Month. All month domestic violence (dv) advocates and the media's attention will be focused on bringing more public understanding to and promoting the eradication of men's violence against women. However, not all dv fits into this neat little package. DV against men, especially against men by their female intimate partners, has always been a hot button issue. While dv advocates may know men are victims they insist that their victims agencies (2,000 + in the US) should focus exclusively on ending violence against women by men because women are the most injured and prevalent victims. As a result, serious outreach and services for the male victims of dv are sorely lacking. Men are victims of assault by their partners in over 30% of the reported cases in the U.S. each year. The disparity between the needs of those victims and the services available is large. The gap must be closed. While resources for men are still scarce, awareness is increasing and hopefully more services will follow. dv is not a gender issue, it is a human issue.
Jan Brown www.domesticabusehelpline.org email: dahmwagency@gmail.com
I never thought Teen Mom glamorizes teen pregnancy. Some of the girls are much better off than others, and some have much better familial support than others. Both sides reflect the realities of teen pregnancy.
As for Leah, Amber, and Gary, I have always felt sorry for him. He is definitely the victim of abuse, but he just hasn't realized it yet. Kudos to MTV and Morgan Freeman for putting a face to the abuse. Hopefully it brings about as much attention as the "glamorizes teen pregnancy" accusations did, so that maybe this serious issue can get the recognition it needs to help victims and supporters rally together.
Not commonly known is that 39% of the victims are men. However, if they defend themselves, they can be charged with the crime. As a single father, he has not right to the child, so he cannot leave with the child, but if he leaves, to get away from the abuse, he is abandoning the child. Plus, the child than can become the target of her anger.