White Lies: The One Kind That Spells Trouble

6

Large rear endWhite lies.

People tell them every day and they can be as innocuous as, "Yes, I took my vitamins today" to "Sure, I'd love to go out with your mother tonight" to "No, dear, those jeans don't make your butt look big."

In a relationship, white lies fall into one of two categories: those told to protect your partner and those told to protect yourself.

One category is okay. The other is not. Guess which one?

Let's figure it out by deconstructing the following white lies:

White Lie #1

Your husband went out to lunch and had the garlic bologna special. Then he went to see his biggest client. After the fact, he has some doubts about the freshness of his breath.

When he gets home, he asks you, "Does my breath smell bad?"

You say, "No honey, your breath smells like a bed of roses."

This protects him. It's after the fact so there's nothing he can do about it. Though you could slip some mints in his briefcase for next time.

White Lie #2

You bought a new pair of shoes even though you and your husband had agreed to temporarily stop spending money on things the two of you don't really need. Your husband compliments you on them.

And says, "I don't think that I've seen them before. Are they new?"

Your response? "No, I've had them for a while. Just never wore them before."

This white lie protects you and is deceitful. No, buying the shoes isn't going to force your family into bankruptcy, but it goes against the agreement that you and your husband made.

White Lies #3 and #4

You and your husband run into your ex-boyfriend. You had seen Bob a few months prior and had exchanged email addresses and friended each other on Facebook. But you never mentioned it to your husband, who doesn't use Facebook, so he doesn't know that you and the ex are yucking it up online.

Your husband says, "You never told me he was so tall or so good looking." And then he asks, "Was that the first time you ran into him?"

To the first statement you easily say, "Sure he's tall but he's not as sexy as you are." And give him a big kiss. There, you protected him.

To the question of whether you've seen him before, you say, "No, I hadn't seen him before today." There, you've just been deceitful and protected yourself. And don't forget about the Facebooking.

So the "bad" white lies are bad because they're being told to protect you. And to avoid conflict. So much for a relationship being built on mutual trust and respect.

In addition, these types of lies can lead to bigger deceit. And take you to a place where, if your husband does find out, especially about the ex-boyfriend, he's going to feel really bad. And angry. Besides, what are you really trying to hide?

Do you tell your husband any white lies? Do you consider them "good" ones or "bad" ones?

 

Image via Tobyotter/Flickr


marriage, relationships

6 Comments

To add a comment, please log in with

Use Your CafeMom Profile

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Comment As a Guest

Guest comments are moderated and will not appear immediately.

KTMOM KTMOM

I am honest with my husband about things,  I kind of feel like if I have nothing to hide, I hide nothing.

betha... bethany169

I decided pretty early in our marriage to live by a variation of the golden rule--if he was doing it, would it bother me?  And if it was something that would bother me, then it wasn't ok for me to do it either.  It's much easier to follow this in some areas than in others :)  I do, on occasion, buy things without telling him, but whenever I do say anything to him, his response is always that I make more money than he does so he doesn't care what I do with it.  I still feel guilty about it though, and I'm working on that part :) 

angireid angireid

when I consider doing somehting but realize it is somehting I would be tempted to hide- I choose not to do it. That has actually become my litmus test for a lot of things. I am married to a reasonable not controlling, easy going guy, when I get that feeling I realize I am probbaly crossing the line of being reasonable myself...

lilmo... lilmoosesmom

Sure I tell white lies, everyone does. But Mostly I tell him, of course I love that shirt on you hunny, or hunny your bald spot really isn't that big.


 


Thing about shopping & ex's I dont keep from him. I tell him every single time I run into a ex, or one of them addes me on facebook. Im not going to lie about it I have no reason too.

nonmember avatar Christine

I wish I could say I never tell white lies to anyone, but then I would be lying.... :(
The main thing I white lie about is spending money. For example, I just bought a wedding gift for a life long friend and told my husband I spent about $30 on it when in reality I spent closer to $70! In my defense, I had it engraved and the price of engraving had gone way up since the last time I shopped at that store, but I lie is a lie. My husband would have let me spend the money I did on the gift because he knows that it is exactly what I wanted for my friend, but at the same time he would fret over the spending of the money. Yes, we are on a really tight budget, which is why I have garage sales to make some extra spending cash for myself. The truth is, I use shopping as a stress relief and need to find another form of relaxing. As I type this I am realizing I really don't want to white lie to my husband anymore. I am working really hard right now with my 4 year old daughter and lying and I think I need to set a better example.

Thank you for this thought provoking post! :)

dorot... dorotheabrown37

 Black women like to have a big ass. Our men love it so no we will not ask do this dress make my ass look small. We ask does this make my ass look big. We want them to say hell yes. Do my tits look big we want our man to say hell yes. Why do you think JOLOW dates mixed men. They love the cushion for the pushing. Now we hate large stomachs. big lips. huge eyes. Where as my white friend prize themselves on large lips and big eyes. I don't blame them because they know what their men want. I don't and would never in a million years try to please a whit man as I don't have what they want. Now with that said why do white men go to black strip clubs to see those large asses. Why do black men buy those white girl nasty mags to see those no butte having women with large tits. Men like women know what they want no matter what the color is. Large but black or white no tits black or white we all grow up with an image of what daddy likes and what mommy wants. I know I love a man well hung no matter the color. And I tell men the truth about what I want get with it or move on as I say. I know men who love women with no but at all. I am not in the group though I have a ass like a truck just all out there. So we have to be careful when we say a white lie or lie period because men do it all the time and if you are not truthful with your self then who will you be trueful with. So do my but look big honey.

1-6 of 6 comments
F