Can Married Men Have Female Friends?


Quick quiz: A 38-year-old man you don't know well asks you to dinner. He is married, you are married. Is he hitting on you?

Many people say yes, unequivocally. They suggest there are few married guys who are "just interested in being friends." Most importantly, a man who is really interested in just trying to cultivate a friendship invites both spouses to dinner with him and his spouse as well.

Compelling points.

On the other hand, I definitely believe that men and women can be friends with one another without hooking up. Or, as my friend pointed out the other day, the two most important things in a marriage: trust and lust.

We have to trust our spouses. So, do we?

I will admit, the idea of my husband having close female friends doesn't please me. I'm a jealous person by nature. I wish I weren't and I'm working on it, but I am.

My husband is far less jealous and perhaps trusts me far more than I trust him (zoinks!) because he would gladly let me go to dinner alone with a man, while I would throw down with any woman who dared ask my husband to dinner alone.

I know I'm not alone. There are women who asked to stay anonymous who admitted that they, too, would never let their spouse have female friends and men who admitted that the only way a "friendship" is possible is when they're in no way attracted to the female.

Of course, what man will admit to being attracted to a woman to his spouse? We are left to guess at which friends our husbands find hot and which ones he doesn't. Better yet, just forget the whole thing.

Heterosexual men and women relate to one another through flirting and those little flirtations can be harmless, but they can also grow and grow until they're too big for us to control. For those who have had affairs, many will say they start harmlessly -- a little giggle, a hair toss, a dinner, some wine, and the next thing you know, you're trading marriage war stories and thinking the other person would be a much better spouse for you.

It's a slippery slope.

What do you think? Can married people be friends with the opposite sex? 


Image via tinou bao/Flickr



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nonmember avatar without hope

I hate thinking about people cheating I wish this world would have no pain and hurt in it.....

nonmember avatar Me

Well I don't have a problem with my husband having female friends. But I do have a problem with it if one just pops up out the blue and he doesn't tell me about her until I see it in his phone. Then he tells me I'm insecure and that it's my issue. Even though I tell him it makes me uncomfortable and that I want to meet her first. This happen when we were in different states. I'm pissed not even going to lie..

nonmember avatar Samantha

I think.

nonmember avatar Samantha

Hey I got a complain I just posted a comment and it went to my newsfeed on Facebook wen I logged as gest totally no cool I do not want my housband to see this can you just erase my comment from Samantha please really is not cool at all

nonmember avatar Bree

I think this depends on the relationship. I am married and for some reason my husband just gravitates towards female friends. He's mre of an introvert and meets them online, gives them his number and they start texting all day. it's the reason why I am looking this up. He's a tad shy, so doesn't seem he would push anything to be physical, but it makes me mad when the other woman starts pouring her heart out to him after only a week of communicating, and he behaves as if he is there for her, and tells her to text him everyday... which she does. Isn't that pushing it too far?????

Chandra Renee Kersey

It is not about trying to control each other but rather about avoiding hard feelings. After all we are human with feelings and why do we need a friendship alone with the opposite sex away from our spouse...then do not get married if you want that in your life. My husband and I allow friendships of the opposite sex but would never consider wanting to hang out with our opposite sex friend without our spouse. That friend has to understand we are married and respect our boundaries on causing bad feelings or discomfort for our marriage. If we both have a friendship with that person then we both hang out with them...never alone. That is a recipe for disaster. Anyone wanting to say that person is controlling not letting him hang out with his female friends has something to hide or wants that freedom for a reason. Again they should not be married if they want to hang out like single people.

Elaine Reaman

Yes they can.  I was friends with my ex boyfriend; he treats me BETTER as a friend than he ever did as a girlfriend and I haven't slept with him forever; he is married, but his wife will not allow us to be friends; they even got me kicked out of a table tennis league at a place I played competitively for three years because the wife was too jealous of me being in the same place as him...ended my competitive table tennis as it was the only free place to play in Portland and I lost contact with valuable friends....friends I met and knew before I introduced him to the place.

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