It's faux real. It has come to my attention that Donny Osmond is hosting an promotional event where 10 couples get engaged, on 10/10/10, at 10:10 a.m., in front of a Vegas casino.
The idea, apparently, is that since Osmond has been married for 30 years, he's the perfect person to usher these deciding-to-wed couples into a lifetime of connubial bliss.
Where to start with the wrongness?
Never mind that Vegas is known for quickie marriages of the drive-through kind -- not exactly the sort of thing that indicates good lifelong decision-making. Or that this entire promotion seems to have more to do with Osmond and his sister (also Osmond, only she's divorced, so I guess she's not invited) peforming down the street -- and the casino wanting to promote its shops, which pretty much makes this like getting engaged at the Mall of America.
No, never mind all of that. The true weirdness ensues when you take into account that:
1. Donny Osmond is a super-Mormon who’s been married for 30 years. (And never gotten a b.j., according to his appearances on Howard Stern, but that’s another thing.) Does he really think Sin City is a good, moral starting-point for a life of matrimony?
2. The casino where this is all going down is The Forum at Caesar’s Palace. Rome? Where orgies come from? This gives me visions of Donny Osmond and Caligula in matching togas, riding a two-man chariot toward the vomitorium. I realize this reveals a lot about me, such as the fact that my sense of history is almost completely informed by that dirty PBS miniseries that was on when I was a kid, but … Run, Donny! RUN!
3. Couples competed to win a coveted spot among the 10 couples getting engaged in this event. Who? Who entered to win this? I get that it’s an all-expense-paid trip to Vegas, and that we live in a super-ironic age, but still … who?!
4. Wait, I just read the press release again. Only 200 couples entered. That’s an “exhaustive search"? Ten THOUSAND couples entered to get married on the Today show. Step it up, married Osmond!
5. The winners get a two-night stay at Caesar’s Palace. Shouldn’t it be 10?
6. As of this writing, their site’s down! LAME!
7. How on earth can one have a profound moment of pre-marital connection while being blinded by teeth?
8. Not that I necessarily approve of surprise proposals (I think it puts way too much pressure on the dude, and it’s ridiculous for a modern woman to be so passive as to wait for a man to invite her into what’s essentially a lifelong business partnership with a 50 percent failure rate…), but assuming you buy into the idea of romantic proposals … what is romantic about this?!
9. Who wants to get up early enough to be dressed, made up, and photographed at 10:10 a.m. after your first night in Vegas?
10. Wait just a cotton-pickin’ minute. Donny Osmond is a grandparent??!!
Is this event a hoot, or would you avoid it like the plague? Or both? Tell us in the comments!
Image via CaesarsPalace.com