Ladies, you may not understand your man. But it turns out he and I were born with some of the same parts. And that means at least a little bit of common ground. So how about you hit me with an Ask Dad question?
Sometimes I don't feel or smell so fresh down there and I try to avoid sex with my husband. I'm worried he'll find me unattractive, but he gets sad if I refuse. Does it turn men off if a woman doesn't smell so fresh down there?
Here's the thing. I'll tell you a secret. Come closer. Wait, not that close. Don't want to get too personal.
If you ask the freshness question to any man -- on the phone, in an Internet survey, on the street (please do not try this last one) -- 99 percent of them would say, "Yes I care! She needs to be as fresh as the morning dew on a meadow full of marigolds!"
And the other 1 percent -- the ones that say, "No! I like 'em dirty!" -- should probably be, uh, avoided. (Run. Now. Screaming.)
But we're not talking about the man on the street. We're talking about the man in the bedroom.
Ask the same thing to a hot-to-trot man who's been making out with you for 20 minutes, is standing erect, and is about to take your pants down, he'll say, "Uh, yeah! Yeah! Dirty is awesome! The dirtier, the better! I hate freshness!"
And at that moment, he'll mean it.
You see, context is everything.
For example, do you think a vagina looks somehow inherently pretty? If a man saw one alone, out in nature, walking around, he would think it was the ugliest thing he ever saw, uglier than the star-nosed mole. (And just to be gender-equal, penises look like naked mole rats.)
But at the moment he actually sees it, with proper context, it's the Mona Freaking Lisa! Most beautiful thing ever! Makes rainbows and sunsets look like crap!
Same goes for the taste. Any vajayjay, any time, would simply make you want to puke. But when your husband tells you that you taste wonderful -- at that moment it's what he really thinks! I guarantee you it's coming from his heart.
So it's nothing to worry about. And this is just assuming you really are not-so-fresh in the first place, which I doubt.
We are all our own genitals' worst critics. Men think theirs are too small, too left-pointing, too circumcised (or too uncut), women think theirs are nasty. I'll bet if your husband experienced you on your "best" day and your "worst" day, he wouldn't be able to tell the damn difference. I guess this could be a little troubling too, but at least it's better than thinking you'll gross him out.
So I wouldn't worry about it unless you are totally mid-period. Though a lot of men -- those who are comfortable with themselves -- don't mind that either. Now if you get a man who says that's his very favorite time to do it? Run. Quickly.
Image via Flickr.com/JennyDowning