Ask Dad: Do Men Care If I'm Not Fresh Down There?


Ladies, you may not understand your man. But it turns out he and I were born with some of the same parts. And that means at least a little bit of common ground. So how about you hit me with an Ask Dad question?

Sometimes I don't feel or smell so fresh down there and I try to avoid sex with my husband. I'm worried he'll find me unattractive, but he gets sad if I refuse. Does it turn men off if a woman doesn't smell so fresh down there?

Here's the thing. I'll tell you a secret. Come closer. Wait, not that close. Don't want to get too personal.

If you ask the freshness question to any man -- on the phone, in an Internet survey, on the street (please do not try this last one) -- 99 percent of them would say, "Yes I care! She needs to be as fresh as the morning dew on a meadow full of marigolds!"

And the other 1 percent -- the ones that say, "No! I like 'em dirty!" -- should probably be, uh, avoided. (Run. Now. Screaming.)

But we're not talking about the man on the street. We're talking about the man in the bedroom.

Ask the same thing to a hot-to-trot man who's been making out with you for 20 minutes, is standing erect, and is about to take your pants down, he'll say, "Uh, yeah! Yeah! Dirty is awesome! The dirtier, the better! I hate freshness!"

And at that moment, he'll mean it.

You see, context is everything.

For example, do you think a vagina looks somehow inherently pretty? If a man saw one alone, out in nature, walking around, he would think it was the ugliest thing he ever saw, uglier than the star-nosed mole. (And just to be gender-equal, penises look like naked mole rats.)

But at the moment he actually sees it, with proper context, it's the Mona Freaking Lisa! Most beautiful thing ever! Makes rainbows and sunsets look like crap!

Same goes for the taste. Any vajayjay, any time, would simply make you want to puke. But when your husband tells you that you taste wonderful -- at that moment it's what he really thinks! I guarantee you it's coming from his heart.

So it's nothing to worry about. And this is just assuming you really are not-so-fresh in the first place, which I doubt. 

We are all our own genitals' worst critics. Men think theirs are too small, too left-pointing, too circumcised (or too uncut), women think theirs are nasty. I'll bet if your husband experienced you on your "best" day and your "worst" day, he wouldn't be able to tell the damn difference. I guess this could be a little troubling too, but at least it's better than thinking you'll gross him out.

So I wouldn't worry about it unless you are totally mid-period. Though a lot of men -- those who are comfortable with themselves -- don't mind that either. Now if you get a man who says that's his very favorite time to do it? Run. Quickly.


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CafeS... CafeSasha

This post made me snort with laughter. I love it.

MomIWant MomIWant


LadyJ... LadyJessica4715

Men love pus....vaginas,.Period. I don't think they care.

I care if I'm clean or not, though. And I would hope they would be too. Know what I mean jelly bean?

Kimberly Virga

Hilarious and soo true I think, at least from what my husband and I have talked about before.....LOL

nonmember avatar Mike M

I've spent some time thinking about my thoughts of the appearance of the vulva (I strongly agree with Andrew's comment of it being the most beautiful thing ever [and as such I really wish that more women didn't think of that part of their body as being gross] - even better than scenic views of Yosemite [I've hiked around in the valley where the sheer cliffs are amazing as well as hiked all the way up Half Dome]) and my conclusion is that much of my attraction is due to it being a way to give a woman a wonderful sense of pleasure - for me it's that ability to give her so much pleasure that makes a vulva so beautiful. (Though as he said context is very important to me as well - it's the whole woman that makes the vulva beautiful - a vulva alone isn't something to get excited over [at least not for me.])

hotic... hoticedcoffee

Hysterical!  I'm shocked to find out there wouldn't be a market for vajayjay flavored ice cream.....

Annabelle Eldridge

Im with CafeSasha!!... Snorted as well.. haha.. did you girls look at the pictures in the links?? LMAO

nonmember avatar nonmember

1st, DON'T avoid sex with your spouse.. If you feel the need to be selfish, he should be last on your list.. HE will decide how much he needs you.. Now that we have that settled, just try to keep your vulva / vagina fresh.. Presuming you're grown up now, you shouldn't have to be spoonfed regarding this..

nonmember avatar Kenneth

If you're worried about the smell of your vagina, here's a simple solution: drink more water. Drinking more water will make the smell "down there" much less pungent and the taste less bitter. If you typically drink a lot of coffee or tea, you're not doing your vagina's odor or taste any favors.

Along with that also comes the obvious tip of maintaining proper hygiene.

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