Gisele Bundchen: Marriage Coach?

Sasha Brown-Worsham

Gisele Bundchen is the supermodel married to the quarterback (Tom Brady) so many love to hate. First she told us we were all fat, then she told us there ought to be a worldwide law forcing us to breastfeed. Most recently, the tall hot Brazilian told the New York Post that motherhood is wonderful but that women ought to wait to experience it until they find a good daddy.

"My son is so beautiful, I love him so much. But before you have children, you have got to make sure you've got a great man. You can't settle for less ... someone you love, and someone who has the same beliefs."

Oh. My. Goodness. Someone call the police. We have a sanctimonious bee-yotch on the loose.

Except wait, I actually kind of agree with her on this one.

Call me old-fashioned (and I probably am), but I do think children ought to be raised with two parents. It isn't across the board and it isn't do or die, but in an ideal world, wouldn't you want a partner to raise your children with? Isn't that kind of the American dream?

The thing with Gisele is she always manages to stick her foot in her mouth. Of course many are interpreting this as a dig against Bridget Moynahan, Brady's ex with whom he shares a child. And the elephant in the room is that, by all appearances, it was an accidental pregnancy that didn't make Brady happy initially.

This doesn't mean he isn't the right man for Bundchen. And it also doesn't make Bundchen wrong. There are some women for whom the pull to be a mother is stronger than the pull to be married and that is fine, but what's so wrong with wanting to be in love with the man with whom you bear children?

In 2005, my favorite writer Ayelet Waldman (wife to the amazing fellow writer Michael Chabon) wrote a piece in The New York Times in which she admitted to loving her husband more than her four children. She was widely blasted for saying it, but in doing so, she opened up a conversation for many of us who feel similarly.

I love my children with all my heart, but damn if I don't love them even more because they are my husband's. I'm not a starry-eyed girl who dreamed of princes and castles and fairy tales, but my husband and I couldn't be more perfectly matched, both as sparring partners and parents. He makes me believe in fate.

We're best friends and lovers and partners in crime and on my lowest days as a mama, he's often the only person who can make me smile.

In short, I could not do it without him. So, yes, I know what Gisele means. I know how much seeing your children reflect the love you share with your spouse means. I know how beautiful it is to parent with a partner who suits you in every way. Why shouldn't every woman be able to have that?

OK, so perhaps she could have phrased it better and been more inclusive and open to the variety of life experiences that make life not turn out as planned, but in a perfect world, given our ideal options, don't we all want to share parenthood with our perfect man?

What is so wrong with that?

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