A marriage is like a sidewalk.
Over time, with wear and tear, some cracks appear that are easily fixed. But if the cracks are ignored, they get larger and multiply. Then weeds start to grow in between the cracks and before you know it, the city has to come and pour concrete to make a whole new sidewalk.
But not before you trip on one of the cracks and end up not only suing the city but also getting divorced.
If you pay a little closer attention to your marriage, and to where you are walking, it's possible to pick up on clues that you and your husband are growing apart and work to fix those cracks before they get out of control.
Here are 4 clues that you need to sit down with your spouse and talk about the condition of your marriage. Quickly, please.
1. Don't Ask, Don't Touch
Are you not as physically intimate as you used to be? All couples go through ups and downs in their sex lives, but it becomes a problem if there's no spark or if your sex life has become rote. Especially if you're "doing it" just to get it over with.
Kissing, holding hands, and having oral sex are all ways of giving and receiving affection. If you're not finding your husband attractive, you need to figure out why. Before you figure out that you're attracted to your hot neighbor.
2. My Feelings Are None of Your Business
Another sign of growing apart? Your spouse is no longer the first person you go to with news, good or bad. Maybe you've taken to calling a girlfriend when you're excited about something, or maybe you're starting to spend more time around the water cooler with that cute guy from accounting.
Either way, if you are going outside of your marriage for emotional intimacy, you run the risk of turning your emotional intimacy into physical intimacy. It happens easier than most people think.
3. "Communication Breakdown. It's Always the Same."
Arguing over the direction to load forks in the dishwasher can mean that either one of you is really compulsive or you're just fighting about the small things. But if the fights give you some sort of pleasure, like ha, won that one, then you're entering into marital no-man's land.
And if the day goes by without you speaking to your spouse, or you're not spending time together and talking, your communication is breaking down. This isn't your girlfriend from second grade we're talking about. It's your husband. The one you're supposed to be with 'til death do you part.
Relationships need communication. And people need attention. How's your day going? What do you want to do for dinner? I love you. I know we're both busy but let's go for a walk.
4. Less Togetherness
Physical intimacy may decrease over the years, but as long as it's still quality, don't worry about quantity. But as your marriage evolves, togetherness really becomes the most important thing that the two of you have. It's one of the things that makes your relationship different than any other. So, if togetherness has decreased, there's definitely something cracking.
A few signs of less togetherness:
- You're happier when he's not there. "Please go out of town. Please go out of town."
- You don't enjoy each other's company and you're just not having fun.
- He becomes the problem, not the problem-solver
- You aren't happy to see him at the end of the day.
- Little things he does start to disgust you. Like toenail picking or humming in the shower.
- You're not spending your free time together because you no longer have any shared interests.
- It's gotten really easy to find things to be critical of: his clothes, his hair, and even his sense of humor.
Have you noticed any of these cracks in your marriage or in someone else's?
Image via OliBac/Flickr