Everything You Think About Cheating Is Wrong

19

The old adage "once a cheater, always a cheater" was almost certainly invented by a cuckolded spouse. Because, frankly, it is just not true.

LeAnn Rimes is speaking openly to Shape Magazine about her decision to cheat with Eddie Cibrian and end her six-year marriage.

"I’m sure some people are thinking that I was totally selfish, but the truth is, there are times in your life when you have to be selfish in order to find out what truly makes you happy."

I completely agree. Cheating is never the mature way to handle a break-up, but it's also not always just about the person being a cad.

There are dozens of reasons why people cheat, but the reality is they almost always point to something being fundamentally wrong with the primary relationship, not necessarily with the cheater.

That kind of black and white thinking, that "once a cheater, always a cheater" attitude, is a way to avoid facing the hurt that cheating causes. Instead of looking at the painful truth of the relationship, the cheatee assumes something is wrong with the cheater.

Not necessarily.

In my personal life I have seen dozens of reformed cheaters go on to have brilliant marriages that are entirely monogamous. According to Marie Claire, there are many reasons a person might cheat. Among them:

  • Boredom: The primary relationship is not fulfilling.
  • Dependence: This means being too scared to leave without a catalyst.
  • Revenge: He cheated, so I will.
  • Because the cheatee lets them: There are men and women who allow themselves to be treated poorly in relationships and this only begets more of the same behavior.

There were more listed, but it's plain to see that all of these reasons have more to do with the primary relationship and less to do with the cheater him or herself. A different relationship could easily be more fulfilling and eliminate that need to cheat.

"Once a cheater, always a cheater" is an oversimplification and is simply untrue.

Do you think it's true?

 

Image via Facebook.com


sex, marriage

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Bessi... Bessiediane

I'm happy to agree that cheating clearly indicates problems in the relationship that existed before the cheater chose that particular course of action.  Both parties in the relationship up to that point are responsible for the decline.  However, this sounds like a lame attempt to justify making a really bad decision.  There are adult ways to handle situations.  We all take the low road there once in a while and yes sometimes you have to be a little selfish.  It still doesn't make this right when there are so many better ways to handle the situation.  You can end the relationship and THEN get on with selfishly seeking out your happiness.  I think it DOES indicate a problem with the cheater that they didn't have more respect for the commitment they made and the person that they made it to.  It's a crushing blow that really stays with you.  I don't know about anybody else, but my ex cheating on me didn't make me think I was innocent and that the focus was suddenly about what he did wrong.  It just made me second guess myself even more and make me question not only the wrongs that I contributed to in the relationship but also my ability to judge another person's character.  It's a little scary realizing what every one of us is capable of and trying to move forward and start new relationships.

CherB... CherBearCM

ON some cases I do think it's true, it just seems that some people can't help themselves no matter how many times their relationships are ended because of it.


But in a lot of cases I don't believe it to be true, that quite often there is a valid reason behind it.  It may not be the best way to deal with whatever that reason is, but it happens.

Bessi... Bessiediane

I don't necessarily mean that cheating once make a repeat offender.  I'm just saying that I think the portions of the interview posted here sounded like a "dodge responsibility" sort of answer.  Valid reason or not, can you look at any situation where cheating was present that wouldn't have been better had you taken the "banging someone else before you finished your business in relationship 1" made it better?  It only complicates things and therefore the "reason" to cheat instead of deciding to think things through and not act on impulse or hormones isn't so valid anymore.  You can have valid reasons to end a relationship and be making the right decision to move on.  Making the situation messy and painful by adding another person before you've done that is just silly.  And yes there are some people who behave as though they can't help themselves but clearly they can or we'd all be walking genitals instead of people capable of thought, consideration, and complex feelings.

Betha... Bethany2035

I don't think the "once a cheater, always a cheater" is true.  However, I think her little justification is gross.  Remember when all the rumors started about them and she was so offended that anyone would suggest she had cheated on her husband?  This is just a taste of the "it's not my fault" culture we have going in America.  "I'm not a total dog, I have a sex addiction", "I'm not overweight because I eat all day, I must have a thyroid problem", and now "I didn't cheat on my husband because it felt awesome and I wanted to act however I wanted without consequence, I was seeking my true happiness".  Shut up, LeAnn!

nonmember avatar nonmember

I'll be real honest - if Eddie Cibrian came along my way...I'd cheat too!! I have never been one for crushes of any sort...but good lord he is hotter than anything!!

madfoot madfoot

i totally agree, Sasha -- there are many reasons for cheating, and they don't all revolve around the cheater being some kind of sociopath! I see women putting their husbands on insane lockdowns and making them call / available to their calls at any time of the day ... acting like the guy is a criminal ... and never questioning whether something might have been fundamentally wrong in the relationship. I'm not by any stretch saying it's ok to say "you made me cheat!" and put all the onus on the other person -- but I am saying neither person has to shoulder all the blame! Great post, brava!

moder... modernmom2010

I used to like LeAnn but she seriously needs to STOP! Please, just stop talking, everything you say makes no sense to me.Her excuse as to why she cheated is completely selfish. She wanted to find her true happiness? Gimme a break!


I wish someone would interview her ex husband and hear how her "HAPPINESS" has affected him.

Steel... Steel.Magnolia

Wow, she's a real piece of work. Cheating is always wrong, so is being a selfish whore.

nonmember avatar too many excuse

Oh please, why are we as a society always looking for ways to blame others for our mistakes. According to the Dr that spoke on this matter, 50% of 2nd marriages fail. Now why is that? It's because the person jumped into that second marriage without first fixing what was wrong with themselves. So in other words, Leann didn't cheat because she got married young or something was wrong with her spouse. She cheated because there is something seriously wrong with her.

nonmember avatar too many excuse

It looks like she is falling in the same pattern, where she resorts to excessive pdas to cover up the fact that her relationship is bad and it's that way because of her. So stop blaming the spouses or the person's marriage. Besides EC cheated before and he NEVER felt the urge to leave his wife. What made this one different? LEANN. Leann deliberately did things to make BG leave EC. Leann used texts to EC and even got the media involved when it suited her. So the problem in EC and LR marriage was EC and LR. Be honest. EC is cheating on Leann, just look at the pattern of his behavior. He played the devoted lover last year when he was trying to make us believe that he wasn't cheating on his wife. We saw him kissing his wife and even holding her hands. So what are we to think when he does the same thing this time? Leann also spends all of her time on twitter, now that is odd. To tweet about her "romance". If you have to use twitter to validate your romance, chances are it's already in trouble. Just look at how many times a day LR tries to compensate for her lack of a romance by tweeting about it.

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