The old adage "once a cheater, always a cheater" was almost certainly invented by a cuckolded spouse. Because, frankly, it is just not true.

LeAnn Rimes is speaking openly to Shape Magazine about her decision to cheat with Eddie Cibrian and end her six-year marriage.

"I’m sure some people are thinking that I was totally selfish, but the truth is, there are times in your life when you have to be selfish in order to find out what truly makes you happy."

I completely agree. Cheating is never the mature way to handle a break-up, but it's also not always just about the person being a cad.

There are dozens of reasons why people cheat, but the reality is they almost always point to something being fundamentally wrong with the primary relationship, not necessarily with the cheater.

That kind of black and white thinking, that "once a cheater, always a cheater" attitude, is a way to avoid facing the hurt that cheating causes. Instead of looking at the painful truth of the relationship, the cheatee assumes something is wrong with the cheater.

Not necessarily.

In my personal life I have seen dozens of reformed cheaters go on to have brilliant marriages that are entirely monogamous. According to Marie Claire, there are many reasons a person might cheat. Among them:

  • Boredom: The primary relationship is not fulfilling.
  • Dependence: This means being too scared to leave without a catalyst.
  • Revenge: He cheated, so I will.
  • Because the cheatee lets them: There are men and women who allow themselves to be treated poorly in relationships and this only begets more of the same behavior.

There were more listed, but it's plain to see that all of these reasons have more to do with the primary relationship and less to do with the cheater him or herself. A different relationship could easily be more fulfilling and eliminate that need to cheat.

"Once a cheater, always a cheater" is an oversimplification and is simply untrue.

Do you think it's true?

 

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