Britney Spears Needs New Sex Secrets

Jeanne Sager
3

Britney SpearsBritney Spears is one hot mess.

What? You wanted us to tell you something you didn't know?

Hmm, don't say we didn't warn you.

Turns out Britney likes noisy sex.

And if allegations from her bodyguard have any truth to them, the former Mrs. Federline doesn't care if sons Jayden and Sean Preston hear.

Can we get an ewww?

Says Radar Online of Fernando Flores' accusations:

“Plaintiff perceived, during security checks of the perimeter, Defendant loudly having sexual relations while her two children were in the suite with her."

The description does not explain whether Britney and her boy toy were in the kids' line of sight, but I'm still going to fly my prude flag here.

It's one things for the kids to wake up while you're in flagrante delicato and yell "Mommy, are you OK?"

Tell them Daddy's tickling you. No harm done. Just try to keep the moaning to a minimum now that you know little pitchers are awake in the next room.

As one friend recently explained, not every parent thinks you should keep it down. This friend's acquaintance doesn't do anything in front of the kids that might earn them a visit from CPS, but per my friend:

"This acquaintance, however, argued that she does not try to "hide" (noise, etc.) she and her husband's lovemaking and feels that it's healthy for her kids to know her parents take pleasure in each other and love each other."

Hey, parents, here's a way to teach your kids to be affectionate:

Kiss.

Hug.

Hold hands.

And here's how to keep your kids from slamming their hands over their ears and needing serious therapy in 14 years:

Keep your mouth shut.

We know noisy sex is popular. Two-thirds of New Yorkers estimate they've heard their neighbors at least once. But you know what's really hot?

Pretending you're going to be caught . . . and being quiet to avoid detection.

 

Image via samlavi/Flickr

Read More