Paris Hilton has been out of the limelight for far too long. Thank goodness her love for illegal substances has thrust the heiress back into our consciousness! It also seems she has a new beau, but if they're split up by prison, Paris may have to expand her repertoire. It's okay, she's done time before and managed to get along with all the other ladies.
Let's dish, shall we? Here are the five things I can glean about Paris Hilton's love life, based on the news this week.
1. You're going to have to do a lot more to get my attention than text me. Like say, showing up outside my door with some cutlery.
2. If we're going to a party, please BYOG (bring your own gum). I'm tired of getting pinched for holding. You know, gum.
3. Your place or mine? Oh, wait, it has to be mine, as I've been banned from everyone else's place.
4. Our next date needs to be out of the state. I've got to be careful of California's three strikes and you're out law.
5. Aren't I getting too old for this sh**?
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