Woman Dies in Chimney and Other Dumb Love Stories

Sasha Brown-Worsham

Between Dr. Jacqueline Kotarac, who died in her boyfriend's chimney this week after attempting to break in, and Lisa Marie Nowak, the astronaut who wore a diaper so that she wouldn't have to stop on the way to kidnap her lover's other lover last year, it's safe to say that love -- or some version of it -- makes otherwise intelligent women do some pretty dumb things.

I can remember the many cringe-worthy things I did back when I was single and in pursuit of men who liked me less than I liked them.

Someone (not me, natch) may have sent herself flowers at work from a "secret admirer" in order to get the older man she was dating to see her as more than a fling. It kind of worked. Until it didn't in a major way.

Obviously none of these had as devastating results as Dr. Kotarac's or Nowak's, but when I think of the ways I humiliated myself ... I kind of want to crawl under the table.

Here are more compiled from anonymous women:

  • E-mail horror: I was working at a very stuffy publication in New York City for the summer. I had a wild and crazy date that involved much bizarre sex. When I sent the e-mail describing the date in graphic detail (it included the words "no one has ever made me orgasm like that") to my friend, I also sent it to the entire editorial team. I nearly quit on the spot and received several lectures on appropriate work conduct from editors who normally reviewed John Updike books.
  • Drunken confessions: I got wasted and told a boy I loved him -- in front of his girlfriend!
  • More drunken confessions: I was always the third wheel in my couple friends' party of two and got very drunk one night and made a pass at the boyfriend who turned me down flat and told the girlfriend. That was the end of that.
  • Damn caller ID: Just before the advent of caller ID, I called a boy over and over one day while he was out with his parents. When he got home, the box said "210 missed calls."
  • I drove all night: I once drove 10 hours in the middle of the night to surprise the guy I was dating for his birthday, only to find out we weren't exactly on the same page.
  • Remember to hang up the phone: I called a guy I was seeing but not that into and forgot to fully click the cell off when I was at dinner with some girlfriends. I went on and on about how he was fine for now but wasn't "the one," and how he was short and not that bright -- all of which I recorded on his voicemail. When I went over to his house later, all of my stuff was in a box.
  • Eight wasted years: I stayed with a man for eight years who kept promising me he would propose. He never did, but I kept believing him and waiting and waiting. He dumped me and three weeks later married the girl he had been cheating on me with for the past two years.
  • Blinded by bling: I was with a guy who was super-sweet and attractive, but wasn't the guy for me. One day he proposed out of the blue with an amazing ring. I said yes because I wanted to wear the ring and then spent the next two weeks hyperventilating every night before I finally gave him back the ring. Why did it take so long? The sparkle man, the sparkle.
  • My boyfriend's back (but doesn't exist): I hooked up with a guy I was really into but he wasn't that into me. The next night, I glommed onto his plans and kept doing that every night until he told me (nicely) while I was drunk one night that he just didn't "feel it" for me. So, I did what any self respecting sloppy drunk college girl does: wept, fell on the floor, and told him my "big football playing boyfriend" would beat him up for messing with me. Yeah. I was totally single and had quite the humiliation hangover the next day.

Did you ever do dumb things for love?


Image via sflovestory/Flickr


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