When Colondra Hamilton, 36, of Cincinnati, Ohio, was arrested for using a sex toy while she was driving last week, she brought distracted driving to a whole new level.
Despite the extreme mortification Hamilton must be feeling right about now, she is not alone in her desire to get off while also getting somewhere.
Last year, Wired ran a survey that showed that 15 percent of people have done some kind of sex act while driving. But any woman who has spent any significant amount of time in the company of someone with a penis didn't need a survey to tell her that.
It's such a popular male fantasy to get a blow job while driving.
It even has a name: "Road Head."
And I'm betting a lot more than 15 percent of men have had it at some point. In the interest of safety, let's address the four main components of the "Road Head" fantasy and propose alternatives.
Because dude, if you run into my car because you wanted a blow job (or you're using a vibrator), I will do some serious damage to more than your car. Besides, there could be as little as a regular traffic fine or as much as six months in jail and a fine of $2,000.
Why: For some guys, the fantasy is because it's public and someone could see them.
Alternatives: Have sex on a stable balcony or outside at night, or pull the car over and do it in a parking lot. Same thrill, less danger.
Why: For some guys, a blow job is the cure for long stretches of open road.
Alternatives: Ever heard of a book on tape? If it must be sexual, then pull over, get it on, and move on from there. Do not endanger everyone else on the road because you're bored.
Why: Men like cars, cars go fast. Men like sex, sex feels good. Put them together and bam! Perfection.
Alternatives: Throw a monster truck rally on the TV and go to town. Watch sports while trading head. Same fantasy, less danger.
Why: They may not admit this, but your willingness to contort yourself into an uncomfortable position beneath the steering wheel is proof of all that you're willing to do to please.
Alternatives: Get that same thrill by jumping into a restaurant bathroom or joining the "mile-high" club. There are safer ways to prove love and trade domination.
Have you ever had sex/masturbated in a moving car? Would you admit it?
Image via The U.S. Army/Flickr