Semen Recipes: Never Swallow Again


semen recipesThere's no way to tell how many women spit and how many swallow when it comes to fellatio.

And we're not even getting around to the women who just say no.

But if you're in the latter camp and want to get into the former, how about some incentive to convince him you should never have to swallow again?

We're talking semen recipes, ladies!

Yes, semen recipes. And no, I'm not joking.

Choking, yes, but not joking.

The Stir's own Heather Murphy-Raines tipped me off to this disturbing cookbook that has us down on our knees ... praying it is FAKE.

Says the description for Natural Harvest: A Collection of Semen-Based Recipes:

"Semen is not only nutritious, but it also has a wonderful texture and amazing cooking properties. Like fine wine and cheeses, the taste of semen is complex and dynamic. Semen is inexpensive to produce and is commonly available in many, if not most, homes and restaurants. Despite all of these positive qualities, semen remains neglected as a food."

We'd say "we wonder why," but we can't even manage to be sarcastic this time around.

It's semen.

Great for getting you pregnant. Not so great on top of your holiday potatoes.

Author Paul Foutenhauer suggests you use it to make "spunky candied pecans," "hollandaise sauce," and even an "almost white Russian" cocktail.

No word on how much spitting is required to summon enough cum to make one of these rubbery treats, but just the smoothie requires 3 tablespoons.

That's a ... mouthful?

I can't help remembering a particularly stomach-churning share from a much more experienced friend back in my teenage years. The curious (aka the virgins) among us asked her what it tasted like. Her answer: chicken noodle soup.

Is this one a stomach-turner?


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OMG!! This has got to be the most stupid thing I've heard of in a long time! Are they serious??? Plz, tell me it ain't so!!! 

mistr... mistressScorpio

I guess this makes that breastmilk cheese look a lot more appealing, eh? And the fact that there is a picture of flan on the cover... a dessert I was never crazy about to begin with because I always thought it had the mouthfeel of, ahem, well, let's just say I was right.

Going to brush my teeth now.

mommypip mommypip

I am seriously gagging right now. UGHHH

Dewlaps Dewlaps

A little throw up just came out of my mouth.  I'm with mistressScorpio. Now I know why I never liked flan.

leahm... leahmbennett

GROSS! I just read some of what it says in the book. They are suggesting you have a dinner party and serve your guests "semen filled recipes". Disgusting! So whose semen would your guests be eating? Your husbands/boyfriends?  I would die of embarassment! This is not acceptable!

Scout... ScoutsHonorHMR

I still go on record that i think the placenta polenta receipe I found was grosser!! Heh!


nonmember avatar david

Gives new meaning to 'Guess who is coming for dinner?'

Kristle Burns

This got to be a joke right!? hearing this makes you think about what your eating when you eat out. OMG.....

Cagey... CageyKayG

Thanks a load for posting this.... 

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