semen recipesThere's no way to tell how many women spit and how many swallow when it comes to fellatio.

And we're not even getting around to the women who just say no.

But if you're in the latter camp and want to get into the former, how about some incentive to convince him you should never have to swallow again?

We're talking semen recipes, ladies!

Yes, semen recipes. And no, I'm not joking.

Choking, yes, but not joking.

The Stir's own Heather Murphy-Raines tipped me off to this disturbing cookbook that has us down on our knees ... praying it is FAKE.

Says the description for Natural Harvest: A Collection of Semen-Based Recipes:

"Semen is not only nutritious, but it also has a wonderful texture and amazing cooking properties. Like fine wine and cheeses, the taste of semen is complex and dynamic. Semen is inexpensive to produce and is commonly available in many, if not most, homes and restaurants. Despite all of these positive qualities, semen remains neglected as a food."

We'd say "we wonder why," but we can't even manage to be sarcastic this time around.

It's semen.

Great for getting you pregnant. Not so great on top of your holiday potatoes.

Author Paul Foutenhauer suggests you use it to make "spunky candied pecans," "hollandaise sauce," and even an "almost white Russian" cocktail.

No word on how much spitting is required to summon enough cum to make one of these rubbery treats, but just the smoothie requires 3 tablespoons.

That's a ... mouthful?

I can't help remembering a particularly stomach-churning share from a much more experienced friend back in my teenage years. The curious (aka the virgins) among us asked her what it tasted like. Her answer: chicken noodle soup.

Is this one a stomach-turner?

 

Image via Lulu.com