Did you ever have a life-size punching bag when you were a kid? The one you would hit and it would fall horizontally to the floor. Then, after a few seconds, the bag would become vertical again. I did. Mine was a clown and his name was Bozo.
And now that I'm all grown up, I realize that Bozo the punching bag clown helped prepare me for dealing with failed relationships: I was Bozo, at least for the relationships that didn't work out.
For example, my first boyfriend cheats on me with my sorority sister. Bam, I'm down on the ground but in a few seconds I'm back up again and in another relationship.
My live-in boyfriend hides pornographic magazines in his closet yet doesn't want to have sex with me. I break up with him and have to move out. Bam, down again but only for a little while.
I get married, have two wonderful children, buy a house, and, bam, get divorced. That punch took me a little bit longer to recover from and to completely regain my vertical stature.
After my divorce, getting married again was the last thing on my mind even though my divorce was considered a "good" one. Not that the children weren't scarred for life but that my ex-husband and I are fairly amicable, put the children first, and are respectful of each other.
And, after eight years, here I am married again. Almost celebrating my four-year anniversary. And happy about it.
So why do women who, like me, have been through divorce, still believe in the institution of marriage and want to do it again? Is marriage the ultimate relationship goal?
For me it is. Even though my parents got divorced when I was a teenager, both remarried a few years after their divorce and are still married to their second spouses. Very happily, too.
The first time I got married I did it for love, to have kids, and to have the stability that seems to come with those first two things. But when I married for the second time, I didn't want any more children and had proven to myself that I could be self-sufficient and that I could take care of the kids on my own. Well, child support from their father not withstanding.
So what do I get from this marriage? Love, intimacy, and support -- not just financial but also, more importantly, emotional. As well as the added bonus of a stepfather for my kids and the addition of my husband's daughter to our family.
And now, I'm nobody's clown. I'm much stronger than I was when I was younger. It'll take a lot for me to get knocked down to the ground again. And I have my husband to thank in large part for that.
And that's why I remarried.
If you married again after going through a divorce, why did you do it?
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