I am one of those unfortunate (or fortunate, depending) people who imagines every couple I meet having sex.
I know this probably makes you really unlikely to want to hang out with me, but I can't help it. It's as natural to me as breathing. Believe me, it's usually worse for me than it is for them.
I tend to think that I have a good radar for the couples who have really fantastic sex and the ones who do it missionary style in the dark, for procreation purposes only. And sometimes, of course, looks can be deceiving. Just because a woman is smoking hot doesn't mean she's good in bed. In fact there is some speculation that the more beautiful the woman, the less good in bed she is ... of course, I don't believe that.
Celebrity couples wear their sexuality on their sleeves and because of this, I have devised a list of 10 celebrities. Five have smokin', squeak the bed springs, fall off the bed, multi-positioned steam-fests and five don't.
Let me know if you agree.
Five couples who have great sex:
Lady Gaga and Anyone: Lady Gaga isn't afraid to be wild, but she's also someone who doesn't engage in casual sex, which I take to mean that she takes sex very seriously and that she gets to know her partners, what they like, what they dislike, and they do the same. And that's what makes someone fantastic in bed, those personal touches that show they are listening and not just fumbling at their arsenal of stock tricks.
Anna Paquin and Stephen Moyer: Judging from the chemistry these two have on True Blood, I have no doubt that passion carries over into their real lives. Oh man, would I love to be a fly on the wall when they get busy (I guess I already kind of am). They are both very open and comfortable in their skin and that kind of confidence translates into smokin' bedroom action.
Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt: I know, I know. It's a complete cliche and the rumor is he's a stoner (which is not hot), but Angelina knows her way around a bed. I am sure of it. I have no doubt that if the sex weren't up to snuff, she wouldn't be there. It may be her doing all the heavy lifting, but I have to assume someone is getting off when these two go at it.
Heidi Klum and Seal: They just love, love, love each other. They love each other so much that I love them. You can almost see the electricity between them. And we all know that's the kind of love that makes three babies and whole lot of intense, soulful sexual encounters. Good for them!
Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem: These two have amazing chemistry and there is something about Penelope Cruz that always tells me she's kinky enough to keep it interesting. And Javier is the ultimate in masculinity. Between the two, I bet they have a really good time.
Five couples who don't:
Jessica Alba and Cash Warren: Alba has famously battled Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) her whole life. And while I don't want to disparage the battle, the fact is germaphobia and perfectionism do not make for good sex. It would be like having sex with my fifth grade teacher. No thanks.
Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck: These two are super-cute. He hails from my hometown (Boston) and she seems like a fantastic, down to earth mother. But when it comes to sex, I sense she's conservative and he's a "bros before hoes" kind of guy. This does not a hot match make.
Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes: Just ugh. Ugh. There is nothing more to say.
Gisele Bundchen and Tom Brady: She is the kind of beauty who could likely finish a man just by taking off her clothing. She never had to work at it. Meanwhile, he's the star jock who is probably far more accustomed to getting served than serving. Together, I bet they're duds.
Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag: Again with the ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Control freaks do not good sex make.
Who else did I miss?
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