Hot Sex in Separate Beds? Totally!


When I was growing up, my parents would always point to my maternal grandparents' separate bedrooms and sigh, shaking their heads. The message was clear: Separate beds meant no sex and were a sad truth about their marital state.

In their case, maybe it was true. But 20 years later, almost eight years into a marriage of my own, I can say without hesitation that separate bedrooms would be living the dream.

Shhh ... Don't tell my husband I said that.

Actually, he knows. He always jokes that my only stipulations for our next house are a backyard and enough bedrooms for three kids and each of us. And it seems I'm not alone. According to The New York Times:

Nearly one in four American couples sleep in separate bedrooms or beds, the National Sleep Foundation reported in a 2005 survey. Recent studies in England and Japan have found similar results. And the National Association of Home Builders says it expects 60 percent of custom homes to have dual master bedrooms by 2015.

Yay! It seems the only place I'm alone is in bed!

The perception has always been, of course, that separate bedrooms mean separate sex lives, but I disagree. Why can't we have hot sex in one bed and then retire to our respective beds?

Sleep experts seem to agree that more quality sleep happens when partners sleep apart and even our closest evolutionary relatives -- chimpanzees -- sleep apart. The men sleep alone and the women sleep with the babies.

I don't think our relationship would devolve into some sexless 1950s sitcom; I think it would be hotter than ever if I didn't have to face the prospect of being awakened three times by his heavy arm landing on my head or the covers being torn away. Sometimes my husband sits up in the middle of the night because something startled him or he talks in his sleep or he gets up to use the bathroom. And I'm not one of those people who falls easily back to sleep. When I am up, I am up.

When I think of the sleep I've missed from sleeping next to my hubs for a decade in a double bed, it makes me sad. His solution is to get a king, but mine is delicious separate bedrooms. Mine will have a desk for work, a chaise for cat-naps, and a fluffy pink bed with seven pillows. He can do whatever he wants in his room, too.

See, this idea is fantastic if only for the decorating possibilities. We can meet in the kitchen for martinis and then say the words we, as a married couple, thought we never would again: "Your place or mine, honey?"

Good times.

Would you do separate beds?


Image via MarriottSandestin/Flickr


marriage, sex


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hotic... hoticedcoffee

No way!  I love sharing a bed with my man.  Sure, we have rough nights, where one is restless so the other one is also awake all night, sometimes there's turf wars and finally, after 20 years together, he's finally figured out that I really mean it when I tell him not to f with my pillows.  I will gladly tolerate it all for the warm, cozy, sleepy morning snuggles - the best part of my day.

APeve... APeveteaux

I love reaching out and touching my husband, and vice versa. Also, it takes a heck of a lot of effort to have morning sex, middle of the night sleepy sex, or that "oh my goodness, did we forget to have sex before we went to bed?" sex if you're in separate bedrooms.

I wouldn't say either one of us are any prize to share sleep time with (he snores, I have night terrors) but I would miss him horribly if he weren't next to me.

sodapple sodapple

my mom and dad did separate beds for a while, it was becasue my dad snored a lot but still i think they were very happy during those times lol

JenBr... JenBrooks76

This does sound appealing. I don't think my hubby would go for it though (of course not, he's not the one kept up by the snoring!). lol

Britt... Brittanyaaron

I agree...sleeping with him can sometimes make it a restless night but I wouldn't sleep in seperate beds. I think it makes us closer and I love the feeling that he is there when I reach for him. And there is nothing better than when he turns over and holds me for dear life as he falls back asleep. I would rather find time for a nap during the day than sleep solo.

Arthur Sedille

I wish my wife would allow a second bed, I am tired of sleeping on the floor of the living room. We have been married for nearly 20 years, for a long time we slept together, now I can't stand it. I toss and turn, flip and flop. Sleeping alone, I can relax and actually SLEEP even if I toss and turn. When some one else is in bed with me I can only sleep a little while, then wake up. I will find myself going to the sofa or floor to get my peaceful sleep. She can not understand that it has nothing to do with US and everything to do with Sleep. I constantly hear the nagging will you sleep with me tonight?  Here is the oddest part, when I do try to sleep with her, I can not touch her, she cant sleep then. And you ladies wonder why some men get frustrated with you!!!!!!!!!!!

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