19 Things Never to Say During Sex

Jeanne Sager

no talkingScreaming his name and calling out sweet nothings can make the time between the sheets extra hot.

According to Australian Men's Health, a full 10 percent of guys need dirty talk in order to get off. Plenty of others just plain old like it.

But for every sexy moan, there's a comment you should have just kept to yourself.

Want to keep your sex life hot? Never, under any circumstances, say any of these:

1. Is it in yet? -- Because you're in an unfortunate situation yourself, honey.

2. Is it still in? -- Ditto.

3. Wow, the ceiling needs painting. -- Time to switch positions.

4. Did you pick up the flour I put on the grocery list? -- Not only is he responsible for getting you off, but you're laying that one on him? One thing at a time.

5. Are you done yet? -- Because if that's how you feel about it, why did you let it start?

6. Can we hurry this up a little? -- Brushes of number 5, this one has the added "benefit" of telling him it's okay NOT to spend time making you happy. Never expect to orgasm again.

7. How do you like me now? -- It's hard to make love to you when you're that in love with yourself.

8. Let's make a baby. -- This is how "bad parents" are born. Let's think this one through, shall we?

9. Did I forget to take my pill? -- No explanation necessary folks.

10. Mentioning your partner's parents. In any capacity. -- Nothing makes a penis shrivel faster than the words "your mother."

11. Mentioning your kids. -- Ditto.

12. That's the wrong hole. -- Then again, you might want to tell him ... for comfort's sake.

13. While you're down there? I just want to warn you, I have really bad gas. -- You will never get oral again. 

14. By the way, I have an STD. -- Now? You're just telling him, NOW?

15. Did you brush your teeth? -- You're missing a golden opportunity to push his head somewhere else.

16. Can we turn the TV on? -- If you need a dose of McDreamy to get you off, you need to get him off of you.

17. Your balls are beautiful. -- Or any other awkward version of dirty talk. It's okay to let your freak flag fly in the bedroom, but sometimes you're just being plain ridiculous.

18. The vet called -- he can neuter the dog next week. -- Neuter + penis = retracting back into the body never to be seen again.

19. Using another name. -- Unless it's a pet name, this is a classic no-no.


Have you ever made one of these mistakes?


Image via SarahG/Flickr

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