If you believe porn, men need only do two simple things to send a hot blonde like Jenna Jameson into orbit. In reality, we women know better.

The porn industry has done many bad things, but it has also created a generation of men who are less hot in bed, according to an article on Fox News.

And for that, it cannot be forgiven.

The writer, Ian Kerner, goes on to say that frequent masturbation can harm a man's libido and make him crave a harder touch that sex can't provide.

For women who worry porn sends a message that they're inadequate, Kerner threw them a bone (pun intended):

What women should know is that for many guys, porn is comparative to a day at the spa: It feels good and relieves stress. Or, think of it as a quick, little treat -- kind of like scarfing down a bag of gummy bears in the middle of the day. It doesn't mean we're not interested in having "a real meal" with the woman we love, but sometimes we're in the mood for a snack. No big deal.

Well, great.

Look, I like erotica and I like sex toys and I like some porn, but most porn is really made for men. So, here are some reasons Kerner missed for why porn makes men bad in bed:

The oral (on women) is bad:

No woman wants a man to bury his head in her crotch and shake it like a wet dog. I see this move over and over, and like a man watching the Super Bowl, I find myself shouting at the TV: "NO! That is NOT how it's done."

The blow jobs are BS:

Maybe there are some women who get majorly turned on by going down, but the vast majority of us do it as favor or do it as a means to an end. All the heavy breathing and eye contact are for the male's benefit, so if it looks like the porn princess is getting off on it, it's probably because she's paid to do so. Or, as Samantha in Sex and the City once said: "Honey, they don't call it a job for nuthin.'"

Women do not come in five seconds:

In porn, it seems the man enters the woman and five seconds later she's moaning and groaning. Um, nope. Not even. We need a little cajoling, a little help. Even five minutes might be pushing it a little. This is also why I'm anti-faking orgasms. We women need to give men some clue and that doesn't help them.

Women do not want fingers shoved violently at them:

The whole "Harder! Harder!" thing seems to have come from porn and while that kind of sex is nice on occasion, it isn't what we want most of the time. Half the time, I'm watching what the men are doing in porn and thinking "Ouch! Her poor vagina!" I mean, seriously. Who wants that?

Our bodies do not look like that:

Most of us do not have boobs that stand at attention and do not move when we are on our backs. Most of us do not have black roots and blond hair and unlined tummies and gravity-defying rears. We look like real people with lines and blemishes and scars. And that's what real sex is all about. If you're expecting a blow-up doll, please have sex elsewhere.

What are the other ways porn lies?

 

Image via MShadesFlickr