Raw oystersA new study came out last week on the effect eating oysters has on semen production.

Okay, it was an informal, unscientific study composed of four subjects: my husband, myself, and another couple.

The study, conducted last week while I was on vacation in Las Vegas, was conceived when the four of us were out to dinner at a fancy steakhouse.

We decided to order a couple dozen oysters for the table and everyone made the obligatory joke about the aphrodisiacal qualities of oysters. But then one of my companions brought up something about oysters that I had never heard before: Eating oysters increases the quantity of your semen.

Here's what I already knew about oysters: They resemble a vagina and eating them is supposed to increase your sexual desire.

Here's what I learned when I did a little research on the Internet: Oysters contain dopamine, which increases both sexual desire and testosterone levels. They're also high in zinc, which is necessary for proper sexual function in men and, more importantly for my study, semen production. Another added benefit, zinc increases vaginal lubrication.

After having a wonderful dinner of oysters, steak, and red wine, and then playing a few games of craps, the study subjects went to their respective rooms. We agreed to reconvene in the morning and divulge the outcome of our post-oyster dalliances.

The next morning, over a few cups of coffee, I tabulated the subjects' responses:

  • 100 percent of participants agreed that there was an increase in semen quantity upon ejaculation. No measuring devices were used but, like I said, it was an unscientific study.
  • 100 percent agreed that there was an increase in natural vaginal lubrication. (No K-Y was harmed in this experiment.)
  • 75 percent agreed that their post-oyster sexual experience was unusually intense. One subject even needed to take a nap.

All four participants wanted to have oysters again that night. Instead I've decided to do a control study back in my home state to find out if what happens in Vegas really stays in Vegas. Or if the effects of eating oysters have no geographical boundaries.

Have you ever had a similar experience after eating oysters?

 

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