Sex Talk From the In-Laws: It Doesn't Get Worse Than These

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no sex

On average we all have four people we never want to hear sexy talk from.

Our parents.

And his parents.

In fact, the in-laws make it to the top of the list every time.

But if you have those in-laws who overshare worse than a drunk-dialing sorority girl during rush week, we feel for you.

And we'd like you to know it could be worse. Your in-laws could have pulled one of these real-life perv moments:

1. Bought Her Sexy Underwear. J's in-laws bought her a black thong with the words "I have the pussy, so I'm in charge" on them.

2. Admired Her Boobs. T's father-in-law bought her a necklace with a chain that fell perfectly between her boobs. When she changed into a cleavage-covering sweater, he told her to put the other shirt back on because it looked better.

3. Shared Their Clean-Up Stories. R's aware that her ex-boyfriend's parents used "sex rags" in their house. She's also all too aware they were once her boyfriend's cloth diapers. Is it any wonder they're not together?

4. Talked About His Size. G's boyfriend's mom often brags about the size of her son's penis. If that's not Oedipal enough for you, how about this? She says, "You don't get THAT from your father."

4. Instructed Her on Pleasing Their Child. On the day of E's now husband's bachelor party, his mom told her she "hoped 'I f***ed the shit out of him before he left.'" Keep it classy Moms.

5. Had Loud Sex. The trauma didn't end at the bachelor party (surprise, surprise?). E got to hear the in-laws going at it on her wedding night. So much for romance.

6. Shared Porn Preferences. L's ex-boyfriend's mom once asked if she could borrow some porn ... and specified that she preferred girl-on-girl if she had any.

7. Took Her Vibrator Shopping. L's ex-boyfriend's mom also took her shopping -- for a vibrator for when her boyfriend came to town.

8. Made Much of Masturbation. When C mentioned her daughter seemed to be a little touchy feely on herself, her mother-in-law announced, "She gets that from her grandmother."

9. Insinuated Her Son Is HERS. R's mother-in-law once told her, "'Make love to my son ... it's the only thing that I can't do!" while E's mother-in-law informed her if they ever divorced, her son "is mine."

10. Talked Up Daddy-in-Law's Junk. B's mother-in-law asked her if she'd ever seen an uncircumcised penis, then informed her she had -- because her husband had one. Thanks Ma, we can never look him in the eye again.

What's the worst thing your in-laws have said?

 

Image via djwingsia/Flickr

marriage, sex, sex secret

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CafeS... CafeSasha

#9 is SO CREEPY. My skin is literally coming off my body.

MissF... MissForth

My ex-mother-in-law actually did #4. Only she made fun of it and said it was like his dad. Unfortunately that was not the wierdest of thier behavior.

APeve... APeveteaux

If anyone ever told me they hoped I f***** the sh** out of my husband I'd never speak to them again. Much less the MIL. OMG!

mommy... mommywossum

I thought my MIL was bad about over sharing, but these are way worse.  Here's my story:  MIL multiple times has told me how she had to have vaginal surgery.  Then she had to use a medicinal dildo as part of the healing process.  Seriously.  The doctor asked her if she needed a medium or large dildo, and she laughed.  Her reply was, "No, I need a small or extra small."  At that point, I thought my ears were bleeding. 

lovin... lovinangels

is it bad that I can check several off that list, as yeah, heard that?

Addys... Addys_Mom

These are awful. my worst was after my hubby and i got pregnant out of wedlock, his mom asked us why we didn't use a condom and that there were some right there in the drawer. And then when his parents were having back problems, they got rid of their bed and bought big huge recliners. then informed us that when they wanted to get busy they did it on my hubbys old futon in his room.

MomIWant MomIWant

These are all so creepy!!!! 

nonmember avatar M

My not-yet MIL loves to talk about why she divorced my not-yet FIL...because the sex was awful. And she needed more in bed. OMG. I don't even know what to say to her. I cannot believe she talks that way around her sons and me. INSAAAAAAAAANE!

skrawli skrawli

boundaries! 

Mom2j... Mom2jngnc

I am very glad that my MIL hates me!

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