When you get together with your friends, does the conversation turn to your partners? If so, what are you most likely to say and/or hear?
a) How fantastic the restaurant was that you and the hubs checked out on date night.
b) What vacation/home improvement/luxury item you and your partner would buy if only you could get the credit cards paid off.
c) What a lazy, no-good, SOB your husband is because he was out late with his friends AGAIN and came in and threw his clothes on the floor, fell into bed, and started snoring so loud he could raise the dead.
If you chose "c," you might be ruining your marriage.
According to relationship coach Lisa Hayes, bad-mouthing your husband to friends is the first step on the road to divorce. Mostly because, as she says --
Law of attraction simply says you get more of what you put your attention on.
So if you complain about your husband's loutish behavior, you're going to notice it even more. Instead of feeling relief that you talked out your frustrations with your girlfriends, you'll be bolstered by their empathy, and ready to attack.
I can actually see how that might be a good thing if you're someone who needs courage to confront some seriously bad behavior in a spouse. I hate for it to come to that, but if the only way you're going to be able to say, "Put down the mouse and the porn and come to bed" is if someone else suggests it, then get some friend-induced courage.
What I really worry about with women (and this can go for men as well) who complain about their partners is that they are all talk and no action. I never understood how it could feel good to be so upset at your mate that you kept it in until you saw your girlfriends. What if it's days after your man pisses you off before you can grab a cup of coffee with a friend? That's a lot of hours of unrequited anger. You could stroke out with that much bottled-up rage.
Personally, I'd rather tell my husband if something is bothering me so we can figure out how to fix it. Either he takes responsibility, or I do -- either way it's out there. If you're too busy telling your girlfriends that your husband is a jerk, you're not fixing the problem. You're wallowing in it and that's not healthy for you, or your relationship.
Either way, stop the bashing and start dealing.
Are you a husband basher? Does it help?