25 Things Guys Do at Gyms That Will NOT Get Them Sex

Cynthia Dermody
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body building bench pressingSome men go to the gym to work out. But that's not the only reason. I can't think of a place I've been hit on more than in health clubs, surpassing even bars and dance joints. For men on the prowl, gyms offer all the prime elements: scanty dressing, gads of beautiful women, a casual atmosphere, quiet enough to rope unsuspecting victims into conversations about bench pressing or a new speedboat.

Helpful tip: You are not securing a date, you are turning us off. And giving us a good laugh with our girlfriends a few hours later.

My fellow gym rats, Kim Conte, Brittny Drye, Julie Ryan Evans, personal trainer Taylor Ryan, and I came up with 25 more annoying or wimpy things guys do at gyms -- even when they are not trying to pick us up. It wasn't hard:

1. Sneaking peeks at themselves in the mirror. Yes, we see you.

2. Doing a Zumba class. Clarification: Doing a Zumba class really well.

3. Performing the abductor or adductor machine in the "girls" section, especially after the 60-year-old grandma just hops off.

4. Wearing super-tight shorts to lift weights.

5. Wearing super-loose shorts to lift weights.

6. Wearing two different color socks or sneakers or laces. On purpose.

7. Excessive sweating. Yes, you can help it. There are medications. Or towels.

8. Taking the treadmill right next to ours when there are 50 others open.

9. Talking to us while we are on that treadmill (because you know that no matter how fast we run, we can't get away from you).

10. Thinking it's okay to leave that puddle of sweat-water underneath your Spin bike. Dude, the towel!

11. Stalking our bench (or us?) so you can jump on it the minute we finish, as if using any of the other 40 machines at that exact moment in time would ruin your entire workout.

12. All that moaning and grunting. Is that really what you would sound like? And, if you need to grunt and yell out, those weights are probably way too heavy for you.

13. Spandex anything.

14. Talking loud with your boys about personal stuff no one wants to hear: how hungover you are, how bad you need to go to the bathroom, problems with your ladies, how you just "let one go" ...

15. Taking your shirt off during a workout. We don't care how big your pecs are. There should be a rule ...

16. Carrying huge milk jugs of water around. Really, you can't just refill a normal water bottle at the fountain?

17. Explaining how we're doing that exercise all wrong, and acting like you are the ultimate authority on working out.

18. Asking me, "How many reps do you have left?" either as an icebreaker or as a way to intimidate us into relinquishing our machines. (Actually, we only have one set left, but because you asked us that, we're going to tell you we have three.)

19. Forgetting to wipe off the Nautilus equipment after you use it, leaving those shiny "wet patches" on the black vinyl.

20. Wearing sweat bands. It's not 1982 anymore.

21. Dousing the cologne. We're doing a lot of huffing and puffing here, and oxygen is at a premium, ya know? It's enough to make us pass out, and at least sweat is natural and not a caustic chemical that smells bad to boot.

22. Talking on your cell. But that goes for everyone.

23. Muscle shirts, tank tops, racer-back tops ... the whole lot. Especially if your body hair density approaches anything close to that of Roman Polanski.

24. Those BIG headphones. Yes, more secure than ear buds when you're on the move, but they look so goofy.

25. Taking steroids. We can tell. We can all tell.

 

What gym habits totally irk you? And, guys, because I'm sure WE drive you nuts just as much with our own annoying gym quirks ... let us have it in comments!

 

Image via A. Blight/Flickr

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